Am I the only one who disagrees with this? The way I see it, asking guests to bring their own self-addressed envelopes is an easy and convenient way to avoid mailing screwups, since presumably everyone knows their correct address and postal code.

However, I completely agree with one point: it only takes a few seconds to write four lines on just one envelope and stick just one stamp on there. That's hardly "extending" yourself as a guest. Where's the problem?

I think normally the newlyweds do that for the wedding gifts but the bride-to-be usually sends thank-you's after the shower.

Although it's begun to be questionable how much a part she is playing in the actual thanking.

The traditional role of the bridesmaids is to be there as a help to the bride. My daughter and her b-maids had put all of the addresses into an excel spreadsheet and then printed labels in a pretty script font. They spent an afternoon after the shower, the b-maids stamped and labeled the envelopes, but my daughter wrote out the thank-you's personally. It helped save time and they had a good time with it. I don't think anyone was put off because their thank-you came with a label on the envelope.

I think it's tacky, but I also think it started as a well-meant gesture. "I'm giving my friend this shower and one little gift I'm going to give her is help with the thank you notes." That's the way I've seen it done -- not with the bride herself moping to get out of it.

I was at a shower once where the host announced: "The bride has said thanks to everyone, so let's all agree that she doesn't need to write us notes." It was so bogus because of course there was no way to graciously say: "Actually, no, I WOULD like a note."

But it also wasn't the bride's fault. (I confess this was so long ago that I can not even remember if she did, in fact, write a note or not.)

As someone of limited means yet with lots of marriage age cousins (who for the record did not send anything to me for my wedding, etc.) my preferred gift is a ten or twenty pack of thank you notes. It's something that is low cost, practical, the bride/graduate actually will use it now and not in five years (like the fondue set), and I've always gotten one returned to me.

Out of curiousity, are typed thank you notes considered very tacky? Since everyone brings something different, the time savings comes from the speed at which people can type as opposed to a mail merge. If I had tried to hand write my college graduation and housewarming thank you notes, they still wouldn't be done now (two years later). I also make it a point to thank anyone who signed the guestbook, as opposed to just the gift bearers.

Personal correspondence is generally supposed to be handwritten, but I think if you really can go faster on the computer (and who can't?), then it's all right. The purists will tell you that you shouldn't do that. The caveat is that you MUST hand-sign them.

ASlyJD:

As someone of limited means yet with lots of marriage age cousins (who for the record did not send anything to me for my wedding, etc.) my preferred gift is a ten or twenty pack of thank you notes. It's something that is low cost, practical, the bride/graduate actually will use it now and not in five years (like the fondue set), and I've always gotten one returned to me.

Out of curiousity, are typed thank you notes considered very tacky? Since everyone brings something different, the time savings comes from the speed at which people can type as opposed to a mail merge. If I had tried to hand write my college graduation and housewarming thank you notes, they still wouldn't be done now (two years later). I also make it a point to thank anyone who signed the guestbook, as opposed to just the gift bearers.

I think your gift idea is a great one...

I don't know what the belief is regarding whether a thank-you has to be hand-written. I've always done hand-written ones, but I grew up before tech made everything so much quicker. I'm a techie myself now, but that's a good question, I really don't know what's inappropriate.

I guess we'll all have to move over to Miss Manners message board.

Regardless, a person should put some effort into thanking guests and gift-givers, period.

When my kids were young, I taught them to write thank-you notes within a week after birthdays, Christmas, etc. We all sat down with snacks and just wrote them out.

I think it's important to take the time to show appreciation... it really teaches grace...

"It's a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation." Roberto Benignio