Articles like this need to be written. We live in a society of passing the buck. Nobody takes responsibility anymore for their own actions. I live in a military city where I'm surrounded by perfect examples of what this article is talking about constantly. I am surrounded by "Babies Mamas" who are more worried about going to the club than being home to care for their children as well as completely unfit men whose only goal is to get laid as much as possible before they go overseas and will say or do whatever is necessary to make that happen. This place is the epitome of the catastrophe of which this article speaks. I refuse to date women who have kids. I don't have one. Why do you? I'm not paying child support to someone I can't stand for a child we shouldn't have had together. You made the bad choice when you chose a partner. Now live with it. Having a kid with someone ties you to that person for life. Even more than marriage. You can get divorced but you can't unmake a child once it's born. Even if the father isn't there you still have to live with part of him and explain to that part once they're of age what happened. I realize that in abusive situations it is better to leave. No woman or child deserves abuse. In the end that kind of situation usually comes about from poor decision making. The very things that make him the manly man of your dreams are the things that are going to make him cheat on you and beat you up. Most people are going to miss the point of this article and get mad because it pertains to them. The point is once you have a child it's not about you anymore. Babies don't care if you want to go dancing with the girls or have some beers with the guys. They deserve both a mother and a father. No, one cannot make up for the absence of the other. You can do your best but it will never be the same. There are lots of women who need to come to grips with this fact. The reason is a man and a woman are supposed to be two halves of something better. Hence, the two become one line during the ceremony. How can you give a child a proper raising if you're only half of what that child needs. Who's to say your only half of what the child needs? Obviously the answer is nature. Otherwise it wouldn't take a man and a woman to procreate. This is not to say that a reasonable job can't be done by ones self. It's would just be better with both. That is why this article and others like it need to be written. If you are offended by this article then maybe you should be offended. I applaud it and hope many more follow.

Very well written!

I can't disagree with you more. You are putting all the responsibility and growing up on the female. You are forgetting that the father needs to step up to the plate and have an equal share. Having my child was the best thing could have happened. It has totally grounded me and that is true for the majority of moms. You may see a different perspective in a military city because there probably isn't much else to do but drink and have sex. As I have made enormous changes, my son's dad is out partying. That is the case more times than not.

I know so many people think we are just out taking government moneym, but sometimes we don't have a choice. My situation is that I am going to school. I asked my son's dad to change our visitation schedule so I could still work full time and not have to use social service programs. But he told me that would "cut into his social life".

So before you start passing judgement on the moms, take a look at your gender and tell your buddies to take responsibility for their actions.

Demonspawn, is that you?

First, my gender has nothing to do with it. Second, I'm not placing all the responsibility on the woman. I can understand how you would feel that way given your obvious poor choice in men. If women would stop giving it to those type of men then those type of men would have to change to become successful with women. I'd bank on winning the lottery before that happens though. The reason it grounded you and lots of other women is because biologically you are caretakers. Men are not like this. This fact, however, does not release them of the accountability of their actions. This is why I mention the father and the mother are necessary. If they are both doing they're jobs as parents then they're teaching their son or daughter proper accountability and the dire consequences should they ignore what they're being taught. In other words, I'm placing the responsibility on the the parents. I don't pass judgement on anyone. The fact that you replied in the manner you did and your situation is how it is just proves the articles point and mine that much further. Your case is a product of your bad decision making. You chose to date and have sex with a completely worthless guy and now you are forever tied to him through a child. I'd be mad too. Another thing that women should come to terms with is that they are, in many cases, just as if not more shallow than men are. This leads to a lot of the bad decision making when it comes to their choices in men. That, however, is another conversation entirely. Finally, if your going to start a gun fight make sure you have a gun. Don't just reach down to your side hoping that whatever is there will do the job. That's just plain foolish.

Probably not.

You couldn't have said it any better in the beginning and in this last response. It seems the newer generations want to blame everyone around them for their actions except themselves. No one wants to own up to their responsibilities. My brother and I are very fortune to have had both my parents (and married, too!) when we were growing up. We had the discipline and guidance of each parent and I believe that is why we haven't had the behavioral issues as you see alot of children nowadays. I have seen first hand from my friends and my own family members the effects of having children out of wedlock and the pain it causes to the children. The adults are so selfish and busy thinking of how to destroy the other that they're forgetting the most important priority of their children's needs. That is not to say that all children will grow up having issues. I've seen alot of those kids become mature and stable citizens of society. What I think is also missing is that our so-called "modern" society has forgotten one thing....God. They want to live their life the way they want to and are always constantly changing things to suit their lifestyles, but as they can see, it never works. Know what the definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing and expecting a different result. And I believe this is what "modern" society is doing and can't comprehend why the pattern never changes. Once again, they're looking to blame someone else...and that is sad on their part. An absolutely excellent article that should get more exposure!!

Yes, adults become very selfish and develop tunnel vision in these situations. Unfortunately, the children are the sufferers since they're not the ones at the other end of the tunnel. I'm not really big into religion anymore but I do agree with the values and morals it helps teach. It's good to see that others know how beneficial articles like this can be for bringing awareness of major problems to the forefront of peoples minds. I agree, this article should get a lot more exposure.

I'd have to say that I agree with Serendipity, your view is one sided, and you are putting the bulk of the blame on women.

The basis of your argument is that it is the woman's bad decision making that fuels the problem. And you stress this repeatedly through out your blog, continuously blaming Serendipity and only her, for her current situation.

"Your case is a product of your bad decision making." Clearly you fail to realize that it takes two to have a baby. Her case is the product of bad decisions on both sides, decisions that stemmed from a woman , yes, and a man.

"You chose to date and have sex with a completely worthless guy." What kind of statement is that?

No one "chooses" to date a completely worthless guy. That statement is entirely ridiculous. You don't date someone because you see them as being worthless, more often than not women see more value in a man, than the man see's in himself. And it is his lack of his own self worth that can cause conflict. As he is pressured to compete with other men, and present an image of what a man should be and do. And unfortunately it is his comformity to our flawed societal vision of the male image, that ruins him. But that another story... The point is no one Male or Female ever chooses to date someone they find "worthless." No one has a crystal ball, to see the future. And no one can see beyond the veil of another's social mask. We usually are shown the good in a person long before they ever reveal the bad.

Furthermore, no one goes through life without making bad decisions, especially when it comes to relationships. I have made my share, and I'm 100% sure, if you're human, you have made some yourself. Living life means learning through mistakes.

Lastly, I think just for the fun of it, I should respond to this statement only because I heard so many times before. " If women would stop giving it to those type of men then those type of men would have to change to become successful with women."- Puh-lease.

Those "type of men" will be who they are regardless. And I will agree with you here -It'll never happen. Just like men will never stop loving big breast, and there'll never be world peace. So why waste your time arguing a point that invalidates it self to begin with?

Secondly, women only don't all get together and say lets all go for this "type" of man. People like what they like, and they want what they like. Thus, like all individuals, each women has her own individual preference for her own "type" of guy, there's nothing wrong with that. And if you like a particular type of guy, why should you settle for less than what you want? I don't settle for less in life, and I wouldn't expect anyone else to. The so-called "good" guys, often struggle to comprehend this, becuase they are simply not desirable to the women they seek. Maybe, based on your theory, they should blame themselves for their choices in women- for "always" choosing women that don't want them. (sarcasm in case you couldn't tell).

And once again no one "chooses" the "type" of guy that will "cheat on them" or "beat them " intentionally. We narrow our "choices" based on positive criteria. And once the selection is narrowed down, there are still going to be good and bad apples in the bunch. And some times it can take a very long time before you discover that you have a bad apple. And you should further note that people do change over time, and that those changes can take place over a period of months to years, you never know what point a person is at when you become a part of their life. You never know a person period.

I'm not going to bother responding to each individual issue you had with my blog. The point of the whole thing was to applaud the call for a return of accountability in our society and the alarming effects the lack of it is having. You, apparently, missed that and chose to defend someone who had everything to do with what's going on in her life right now. This tells me you just wanted to argue for the sake of arguing or that some of what I said hit a little close to home. If you can't take responsibility for the choices you make in your life then I feel sorry for you. It just seems like your making excuses. It's all about self control. Those that lack this, unfortunately, tend to fall into those types of situations and blame others for it. It is sad but still their fault. Once they take responsibility for their part then they can take control and make real progress in their life. You can't control everything but you can certainly control the choices you make and nobody is responsible for the outcome of those choices but you.

Well I was just responding to your statements. If anythiing I wrote "missed" you point, its only because you diverged from you point to begin with.

Regardless of the fact, I have no issue wiht one being accountable for their own action. But accountablility and blame are two separate things. And the point of the matter really is that while you can control the choics you make you CANNOT always controll the outcome. That's my point.

I believe my rebuttal to your opinion on dating choices was a good enough example.

I am a woman and I believe Reptile was not putting all the blame on women. Men are just as responsible for this situation. It's one thing for a single woman to choose to have a child after careful consideration, but it's another when two people who decide to have sex for the sake of having sex and bring a child into this world. At that moment when she became pregnant, she had total control to decide the outcome of whether or not to keep the child. For those in cohabition situations, women do it believing it's the next step to marriage and even have a child to "seal the deal." Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. Either way, both should take accountability for their actions, but not neglect the child or children in this situation. There are many scenarios I could give, but I'm here to say that alot of men and women make poor choices in partners. Love tends to be blinding, but at least I was smart enough to use BIRTH CONTROL so I wouldn't bring a child into this world that came from a casual relationship. I haven't had that many men in my life, but all it took was my first boyfriend who was a BAD BOY to realize what I was not wanting in a future relationship and held out for quite a while. I am now 30 and with a man who gives me the world. I got over and realized my shallowness when I was young and found that nice man who will treat me right and not down trodden me and totally supports me for who I am and we have the same thinking in every aspect of life. I am secure in my decision that this man will be a much better candidate of a husband and father if that time comes, but if not, I know that I can find another just like him and not "settle" for what comes along. I am saying that because I have an aunt that is almost 60 and it took her that long to realize her poor choices in tastes of men after 5 marriages, 6 kids and the various relationships in between those marriages. Men are just the same in their poor choices in women and their shallowness. Alot of men and women are doing the same thing that my aunt has done and fail to recognize the repeating pattern of their parter choices. If we stop and take time to change that then maybe there is a chance for not only us to improve but also give better examples to our children. We want to obtain the unobtainable rather than what is true right in front of us.

I agree with the original poster on this issue and I'm as liberal as they come, but the bottom line is you should not have children with a man who will not be there with you in the same house to help raise your children. You should not have children with a man who doesn't see that as his role. If a man thinks every other weekend, one night a week, and child support makes him a good dad; I'm sorry but he is wrong. Having children just doesn't 'happen.' There are numerous decisons a woman must make before having a child in this situation (I give a pass to those under the age of 23 who are young and a little naive, the choice of 23 is arbitrary): 1) sleep with a man without commitment 2) know that he isn't about anything and would make a lousy father-sleep with him anyway 3) not take birth control 4) not insist that he wear a condom 5) not use emergency contraception after making all 4 of the previous decisions 6) not have an abortion after making all FIVE of the previous decisions; just making one of the previous decisions consistently (whichever agrees with your ethics and morals-there are enough choices to cover all political/social/moral/ethical spectrums) drastically reduces the chances of having a baby. There is a huge difference between trying not to get pregnant and not trying to get pregnant, people in the latter category often 'end up' pregnant. 'Just because you can do it, doesn't mean that you should' Chris Rock

if females are the only ones to get pregnant, then it would stand to reason they would do everything in their power to not have a child they did not plan on...

oicuateonetwo:

if females are the only ones to get pregnant, then it would stand to reason they would do everything in their power to not have a child they did not plan on...

Except reason has nothing to do with it. Feminism is largely right to move discussions of men and women away from biology--biology, usually "biology", was used to keep women down for centuries. On the other hand, our culture and rationality is like a layer of plaster over the much older, thicker brick of a few hundred thousand years of evolutionary selection. In a sense, many women are programmed to be deeply, often irrationally attracted to men who are evolutionarily designed to seek multiple partners and run out in the middle of the night. That's what "bad boys" do. Their high testosterone makes for healthier babies, which is how they got away with it. This is a great evolutionary strategy (look at how well it's worked up to now, for one thing), but it's terrible for a society that emphasizes rationality, continuity of culture, and stability. Women can have poor impulse control under the influence of hormones just as much as men can.

Women talk about this all the time, of course, but it's just plaster, not brick. You can argue that people change and he's not like that and God knows what until you're blue in the face, but at the end of the day you know he is. If he wasn't like that, in fact, you'd find him boring and wimpy, wouldn't you? And why do you laugh at those men who think strippers are devoted to them? It's the same situation.

Be careful about the amount of control you think you have. It might not be your civilized, intelligent brain talking.