..this is what I have seen over and over again in my 50 years on earth: the girls all chasing and giving it up for the bad boys while nice guys can't get a second look, never mind any action.

The second thing I see, time and time again, is some nice guy married to a woman with kids, but the kids are from a previous hookup (maybe marriage, maybe not) with some bad boy. So now this nice guy is raising some jerk's kids with this girl who has decided a decade into adulthood that maybe one of those nice guys she wouldn't have given the time of day to in her younger years may be just the guy to settle down with and help raise her little bastards (and she should snag one while she still has her looks). I guess this is when we find out nature vs nuture: will the bastards grow up to be nice guys like their erstatz father or bad boys like their biological fathers?

Anthropologists tell us through study after study that ovulating (fertile) women gravitate toward bad boys but toward nice guys in between. That is they want the jerks to father their babies but nice guys to raise them. Anthropologists also tells us that the shape of the penis shows us that the human female is promiscuous, more so than other primates (I won't go into it here but it is easy to find).

If women continue to chase and hook up with the bad boys, the players, the criminals, the irresponsible, then that is who will come to dominate our society - it is a matter of natural selection. In fact, this seems to have already taken place in certain segments of our society.

(cases of rape excepted) it is really all up to the woman; not only if or when she gives it up, who she gives it up to. If she gives it up to a nice guy (a responsible, truthful, compasionate nice guy) then there is really no problem, wedding or no wedding. If she choses a jerk, well, then there is a problem, wedding or no wedding.

I know hundreds of really nice, single guys. You know these guys too - the ones Hollywood teaches us are the dweebs, the nerds, the 40yr old virgins: the kind a woman should be ashamed to be with. Conversely, Hollywood teaches us the jerks, the jocks, the wild ones, the bad boys: these are desirable men women should give it up to, even for just one night.

Is it any wonder we are in the mess that we are in?

I think it is a ridiculous that you can refer to children as bastards. They did not pick their parents. The parents made that choice for them. Shame on you. I agree 100% with everything else you stated. Just left a bad taste in my mouth with the bastard reference.

interesting point of view. Isn't any guy who refers to his girlfriends/wife's children from a previous relationship as "the bastard children" a jerk himself?

I married a "dweeb/nice guy" and it didn't make a single difference. He was immature/reluctant to be a father to his children too. I believe it was a result of his own dad leaving his mother and the impression it made on him that his father's behavior was totally acceptable. I think it's up to other men to step up and teach these younger generation of boys to be men. since we as women cannot. we don't even know what it is to be a man so how can we. so why don't we stop referring to these boys in need of a father as bastard children and instead help them.raise them to become real men.

Of all the men I've known I've found the true gentlemen and true men out there were that way as a result of a man who "gave a damn" and "cared for them." same with the women who grew up to be sophisticated women. The women who grow up sleeping around hopping into bed with every tom dick and harry are usually the ones looking for a father figure or had no man tell them/make them feel they were worth something. Women who don't participate in promiscuous behavior are usually the ones who had a dad around to tell them they are loved and would feel guilty disappointing their dad by becoming a slut.

so really it's the men who need to step up to the plate. this is a man problem that only they can solve

creation123:

interesting point of view. Isn't any guy who refers to his girlfriends/wife's children from a previous relationship as "the bastard children" a jerk himself?

I married a "dweeb/nice guy" and it didn't make a single difference. He was immature/reluctant to be a father to his children too. I believe it was a result of his own dad leaving his mother and the impression it made on him that his father's behavior was totally acceptable. I think it's up to other men to step up and teach these younger generation of boys to be men. since we as women cannot. we don't even know what it is to be a man so how can we. so why don't we stop referring to these boys in need of a father as bastard children and instead help them.raise them to become real men.

Of all the men I've known I've found the true gentlemen and true men out there were that way as a result of a man who "gave a damn" and "cared for them." same with the women who grew up to be sophisticated women. The women who grow up sleeping around hopping into bed with every tom dick and harry are usually the ones looking for a father figure or had no man tell them/make them feel they were worth something. Women who don't participate in promiscuous behavior are usually the ones who had a dad around to tell them they are loved and would feel guilty disappointing their dad by becoming a slut.

so really it's the men who need to step up to the plate. this is a man problem that only they can solve

More often than not, men do not leave, they are kicked out by the woman. Women initiate 75% or so of all divorces.

that doesn't prove anything. I divorced my ex because he threatened to leave me and my kid out on the street. yes, I initated but it was due to the fact he wanted to discard us anyways. this is what I'm saying. women have an attitude that they they don't need men because we have no other choice when a man doesn't want to stick around.

so easy to blame women isnt it? of course it is easier to place blame than think of the real issues involved or ways to change things. you say in your experience, but with that piont of view and reference to children as bastards you are not likely to have been one of the (nice guys) just a bitter one. by the way some nice married guys have ditched thier families and responsibilities, after splitting and how many times has experience shown us the married man who leaves the family for an affair. lets all start taking responsibility instead of laying blame. women are usually more trusting of what a male tells them and what they feel than a man is, and men can be also be deceitful, manipulative and phony so lets stop placing blame and look at the real societal issues. which is that we are stucturing our society in a way that people do not need to care about one another, you can and must take care of yourself no more extended family. that leaves a get mine and screw you philosophy.

LOL Oh I see, women initiate the divorces but the divorces are the men's fault or the men's idea! Sorry I'm not buying it. Women are convinced it is men's fault and men are convinced it is women's fault, maybe it is people's fault. Men and women may be at fault in different ways but we all share the blame for where our society is heading today.

A bastard is a child born out of wedlock, so the term is appropriate.

when you're a woman with a child it is in your best interest to initate the divorce yes. It's just the way the law works. The law favors whoever intiates the divorce. Therefore, if your husband says he's going to leave you/doesn't love you/doesn't want to be married to you anymore/ as a woman it is in your best interest to initate the divorce so he doesn't screw you over in the divorce.

If you're a stay at home mom and your husband wants to leave you, he may not initate it for fear of losing half his money. but why stay with a man who threatens you in that way just to get what he wants? It's not the women who have power. It's whoever makes the money that does. therefore if you're a stay at home mom then you have no choice but to protect your self and your kid

I find it extremely offensive and inappropriate for you to refer to children from another relationship as "little bastards." I'm getting married to a man who loves my son and wants to be his dad. And he is. The only thing missing is the biological link, but that makes no difference. My son's biological father was an abusive monster. I had to leave. I have read and responded to several different comments on this subject. The negative attitude towards single mothers is extremely damaging. What right do you have to judge someone based on a choice they made in their past? Everyone has made a bad choice at some point in his or her life. Some consequences just happen to be more evident than others. And for the record, I'm not promiscuous. I never have been. In fact, I am now a successful emergency room nurse who just happened to make some bad decisions, but now I have my son. And I wouldn't change that for anything. So quit being such a jerk

Children are a an amazing gift from god....stop calling them Bastards. It is so repulsive. CHILDREN DO NOT CHOSE THEIR PARENTS....

" A bastard is a child born out of wedlock, so the term is appropriate."

Thank you Pogue Mahone. That is all I meant by bastard - its true simple meaning. I guess the concept of being a bastard has carried so much stigma for so long that the word has become an (often inaccurate) insult and people (including most on this forum) have imbued it with extra meaning. I, of course, meant in this simple factual context with no baggage or implied insult.

to creation123 re: " the true gentlemen and true men out there were that way as a result of a man who "gave a damn" and "cared for them."

I have known many true gentlemen raised by only a mother, even only a grandmother. They need someone who gives a damn. I do not want to diminish the importance of a strong male figure in a child's life, but it is not essential or the only way; but the preferred way.

to TraumaQueen: Thank you. You are a posterchild for my point: (if I may summarize) you made a bad choice, had a son with an abusive jerk, and are now marrying a nice guy who will raise your son. And you wouldn't change a thing??? You would not skip the relationship with the abusive jerk, marry the nice guy and conceive a child with Mr. Nice (if you found a time machine and get a do-over)? You prefer having Mr. Nice raise the spawn of an abusive jerk? You are also a posterchild for the anthropologists I quote.

See my post about the meaning of the work bastard - it was not a judgmental reference.

Let's just hope the influence of Mr. Nice in your son's life can overcome his inherited tendencies to be an abusive jerk like his biological father.

I agree with the initial poster 100%. As to his use of the term "bastard", as I read it, it describes a lot of the adolescent male children of these sort of men. I have a friend who married a woman with 3 sons from a rather useless - but good looking specimen. She then had one son with him. Her first 3 were a bundle and would best be described as "going nowhere fast". Still they were the apple of Mom's eye and likely ended up perpetrating the same social problems with the women they cohabited with. His son was a hard working studious kid but this was never appreciated by his mother. I suppose he was just an insurance policy.