For the last several decades our society has been sending a message to men. "You are not necessary. You are not dependable. Women do not need you. Children do not need you. Women can provide financially and emotionally. You are only a complication."

Is it any wonder, really, that marriage has declined? Women are having children out of wedlock? Divorce is skyrocketing? Would you stick around if the constant message you recieved was that you were unnecessary?

There is a lack of personal responsibility and commitment in our culture. We have become very selfish. It is all about personal satisfaction. We are bombarded with articles asking us if we feel fulfilled? Are we following our passion? Sometimes what you need to do for the greater good is hard. Sometimes it isn't about what personally satisfies you but what is good for someone else.

I believe this article is accurate. Children are generally better off in a home with two parents who are committed, not only to eachother but to the raising of the children. I also believe the mother and the father are better off this way too. Unfortunately, too few people make it to the point in a marriage where they can realize the unbelievable benefits there are to be had for everyone involved.

I agree that men get sent a message they are unecessary. However it is more of a result of women having no choice when they get left. What are they supposed to do/how are they supposed to react when a man leaves them to raise a child alone? Are we supposed to beg the man to stay? No. so we say instead good riddens

and furthermore, why would you WANT to beg a man like that to stay who refuses to be accountable for their actions/responsibilities. women raelly ARE better off without those men

I think women tend to sabatoge relationships from the beginning, without intending to. Women have been sent a message that if you depend on a man, or want one even, that you are weak. You must be a strong woman. And that has meant that you do not let yourself "need" a man. Women enter relationships with this "chip" on their shoulder. They enter the relationship letting men know their position from the beginning.

I don't believe women just "get left." Relationships fail for a variety of reasons. Women contribute equally to the demise of relationships.

I agree women contribute to the demise of their relationships but when a man leaves his repsonsibilities and refuese to help take care of his child isn't that being "left?"

yes society tells us women to be strong . it also tells us that that's what men want. that men are so scared to commit because they don't want to bear the responsibility of taking care of a family on his own. today's man is so used to his own mother being single and doing it all that that is essentially what he expects out of a women EVEN WHEN they get married and there's a man around, men expect women to do most of the child rearing AND work a fulltime job. I can't tell you how many men I've met whose top priority in a future wife is that she works and contrubute finally and equally. They want an EQUAL marriage/relationship and to them that means a women who works fulltime even when they have kids. becaue it is a given/expected that she'll take care of the kids too.

As a result I know countless women/stay at home moms who feel jaded/underappreciated by their husbands when they choose to raise the kids full time and not get another fulltime career/job. men have unrealsitic expectations. Hey, if a woman has a fulltime job, can pay for everything on her own, take care of her kids, then she truly IS superwoman and truly DOESN'T need a man. do you see how men peretuate the SUPERWOMAN syndrome in women as well?

contribute financially and equally

I agree that many men as well as women have evolved into having the idea that women are not valuable unless they earn a paycheck. I know that when a woman works outside of the home, all of the household duties still fall on her shoulders. Partly, because women are not good at asking for help and partly because men are too blind to see that they need it. While the women's movement was a very necessary and valuable thing, there were some unfortunate side effects that have damaged our society. This happens to be one of those side effects. Women were given a supposed choice to work outside the home or not. But the reality is there isn't much of a choice at all. Few people, both men and women, accept the SAHM as a valid choice. As a result, women are expected to do it all, but can't really exceed at any one thing.

Actually, women kick men out of the family much more often then men abandon them. Women initiate somewhere around 75% of all divorces.

Right. because a woman who stays at home is not seen as an asset but a liabilty and men already have the impression that staying at home with the kids is not desireable when their own fathers left them.

It's true that some women aren't comfortable/too proud to ask for help. I've met countless single mothers who refuse to even take child support and would rather let their kids suffer. That's crazy. At the same time men seem to have this attitude/sense of enttitlement that they are entitled to a superwoman. They also get images plastered all over the media of unrealsitically looking airbrushed, plastic woman who are readily available out there just waiting for them. Everywhere in the media you see the gorgeous girl with the ugly guy. Never the other way around, right? And if they don't have a superwoman. gorgeous model looking woman then they must be missing out. No one ever tells them the truth that they are living in a fantasy. They don't grow up because that's "too hard.." as my son likes to say when I ask him to tend to responsibilities.

The only solution to this problem I see and I do see it happening, is that more men become house husbands/stay at home dads and let the mom work/bring home the bacon while the dad stays at home. But even men who actually are in this suituation face their own discriminating attiudes about what men are supposed to do and they feel degraded to do so. Unless more men take care of their children fulltime to the point where they can appreciate women for doing so, I don't see much changing

I don't think having men stay at home is the answer. Statistics show that when men and women take on roles that are not traditional to their gender, they have higher rates of heart disease and heart attack. They are living outside of what nature intended.

Young boys/men are the ones that believe they want a wage earning wife. I believe that men who have some life experience see the benefit in having a wife who stays at home.

Creation, you seem to be speaking from personal experience. And while I am sorry that the men in your life have been a disappointment to you, you can hardly paint all men with the same brush.

I absolutely agree that what started as empowerment for women was turned into de-powering men. Why does it need to be this way? Have women really so little self esteem that they have to tear men down to felt worth something?

My own husband is absolutely amazing. He is kind, supportive, loyal and my very best friend. And since his picture has yet to end up on the cover of the National Enquirer next to Bigfoot, I hardly think he is some unusual creature... There are plenty of men just like him. You just aren't looking in the right places... or perhaps you are just overlooking them infavor of the flashier types.

And you know the great thing about NOT allowing a loser to father your daughter? Chances are, she won't let a loser father your grandchildren either. She knows what a real man is and will not settle for less.

Actually, I don't consider my ex a loser at all. To say that all men who leave their children are losers is ruling out a lot of men. I don't believe they are losers at all. Just misguided and immature. They had no father to teach them. I was married so I did not have a child out of wedlock but I wasn't as lucky as you that my husband wanted to be married I guess.

I agree, CEJ, Creation seems to be speaking from her own life experience. I have read many posts from her this afternoon and she seems to have that "chip" on her shoulder that I referred to earlier. She expects men to be a certain way. Low expectations have a way of developing into a reality.

I also have a wonderful husband. It took some work to get to this point in my life. It took some humility to discover early on that I treated my husband with a certain amount of disrespect that I was trained by society to use and to expect him to take. After all I was doing him a favor by allowing him to be in my life. He was, I thought, expendable. But this amazing thing happens if you start treating a man like a man. He acts like one. He rises to the occasion and it becomes a beautiful relationship between a man and a women and then a secure loving environment for the kids.

women are quickly catching on to what men have been doing for years and becoming more like men. I see more women now leaving their kids to live with their dads. Also, I see more women involved in infidelity. I see it as a direct result of more women entering the workfield fulltime. It used to be men who slept with their secretaries now it's common for women to expect more from their men. They are suddenly surrounded by and have access to other men who notice them (of course these men are attracted to them too because they are by default working a job and their husbands don;t even appreciate the fact they they both work and raise kids). so, even though men are helping to shape the way women are today, it is also backfiring against them.