I just finished reading the article regarding Single moms and am printing it out for my 14 year old daughter. Although, as a Christian, I'm teaching my daughter that marriage comes first, I also understand that society is teaching something totally different. This is the best article, yet, as it completely backs what I say . . . . at a societal point of view! God's plan works for everyone. You just have to take a look around you to see what single parenting is doing to this country. I don't totally blame the single parents, as most of them are being misled by the public, some of them are pushed into being a single parent (ie: divorce), while others are seeking for "love" they felt they didn't get from their own lives. No matter WHY we have this mentality that it's okay to have children without a stable home life (Yes. Marriage makes for a stable home-life, even if it is not always happy. Just ask the children - no matter their age - what they would rather have), we need to change the thinking on priorities in this country. The proof is in the pudding. The question is: What do we do with this information. I think the first thing we need to do is teach the young . . . like my daughter. Help them to make better choices. We also need to stop idolizing people (ie: celebrities) who are having children out of wedlock. It just seems "okay" . . . but it's not.

Thanks for that article! I plan to share it with MANY young girls!

My first reaction is to rear my head in anger at your statement that marriage equates a "stable home." Marriage or lack of does not equate stability. It alone, never has and it alone, never will. I have seen time and again girls believe this and marry a man simply because they believe it is what they SHOULD do and that by doing so, it will bring the man to his senses and they will live happily ever after. Instead, it is often a recipe for disaster. You said just ask the children- well here is your answer. As a child of an unwed mother who didnt persue a "higher" education, I know it was hard on her, but she never made me feel that way. Yes, I am happy that she found my dad when I was five and that he was man enough to welcome a ready made family into his heart, but I am more happy that she didnt cave to the societal pressures to marry who I have deemed "the sperm donor." I dont know my father, I dont need to. I have a dad, a man who chose to be in my life and to love me. He certainly didnt have to. And I have the utmost respect for my mom for waiting and finding the right person for her as well as me.

I think focusing on whether a woman should be married or not before having a child is a lot like putting a band aid on a broken bone. Education is key. Stop using marriage as the golden ticket and teach responsibility, understanding and the willingness to allow oneself to grow up, mature and then make decisions about who and how we want to spend our lives. The article reports that there is a small percentage of teenagers having babies, but more so the population of 25-29 year olds. I am of that demographic and I will tell you that most of my peers are still in the teenager mentality, not able to accept responsibility for their own actions. Maybe that is what it all comes back to. Instilling in our children that there is no scapegoat for their decisions and inevitably, as much as they would like to believe it, their choices do affect those around them. The cycle perpetuates itself not because the parents arent married, but because there is no sense of responsibility. Parents, married or not, have a hard time disciplining their children, deciding to NOT be their childs friend, but to be the parent and giving consequences starting at a young age that will lead to that sense of being accountable for everything in life, not just having a child.

I agree with you . . . that the first step is teaching responsibility . . . . is teaching our children (in particular - our daughters) to choose their mates, wisely. That doesn't mean you go ahead and have children until that "special someone" comes along!

With that being said, I too am from a single mom. My birth father married her when I was 3 months old. They had a rocky relationship that ended after my mother was pregnant with her 3rd child. She didn't marry again until I was 8. We were on welfare. The man she married adopted all 3 of us (and we weren't easy kids, as my mother had a difficult time disciplining us), and has loved us as his own, ever since. The stability in our lives came with that one responsible, loving man . . . even though my mother loved us and did the best she could.

Now I have 2 children of my own. Their father (my husband) left us when my youngest was 5. Even though he remained in their lives and we have worked together as parents, stability didn't come back into my own live until I remarried 2 years ago . .. .when my youngest was just turning 10. I didn't marry this man because I needed his money or wanted a new father for my children. I had put my self through school and became a nurse, after the first one left. But his ability to help me raise my daughters and his influence on their lives weighed heavily in my decision to marry him. He is a wonderful step-father, and my children are better off in so many ways, now that he completes the family.

Kudos to your dad. Take it as it is. He is a good man who CHOSE to love you. I am equally blessed. But make no mistake. Our children must be taught to wait on making a decision toward marriage, know exactly what they need and want, and NOT settle. They must first respect themselves. Too many unwed pregnancies happen due to fantasy more than anything else . . . . the girls thinking if they give a boy/man what he wants, he will love her and take care of her. I know.

I do not concone abuse in any way, shape or manner, and urge anyone in an abusive situation to get out and take their children with them . .. but, perhaps, if we can install the need for children to investigate the potential mates with more than just their feelings, perhaps we can make them one less statistic.

"(Yes. Marriage makes for a stable home-life, even if it is not always happy. Just ask the children - no matter their age - what they would rather have)"

I absolutely disagree with this statement. A child being raised in an unhappy marriage is not better off. There have been studies to prove it. Do some research. I know. I watched one of my friends live with two parents that had an obvious disdain for each other. It was sad when she would cry at night and wish that her father would leave because he was so mean to her mother. I think that the error in logic is that marriage= stability. An unhappy marriage can be much more detrimental to the development of a child than single parenthood.

I've asked my child many times. She would rather I stay single than ever marry. That is the truth. Be careful with how judgmental you are when talking to your 14 year old. Because when she has out-of-wedlock sex, she is going to need to be able to talk to her understanding mom -- NOT some woman who has made it VERY clear that it is "my way or the highway."

Maybe I am 1 in a million. But, I've raised my child all on my own. And, EVERY teacher she has EVER had has repeatedly told me that my daughter is the MOST well-rounded, stable, happy, "together" child they have. Hmmm...could it be because no one has ever treated her (or me for that matter) like our home/lifestyle is "wrong?" My parents have been married for 52 HAPPY years. In fact, my father is a retired minister. I guess the difference between my parents' Christianity and yours is that they have been around long enough to know that life isn't always exactly what you THOUGHT it would be.

I have two "happily" married sisters. Their children are absolutely no more "whole" or "well-adjusted" than mine. My daughter has many, many friends from "Christian, happily married" parents. But, I can HONESTLY say that we don't know ANYONE who has a happier home than we do. We might know some people who are AS happy. But, NO ONE happier.

Here's the thing...IT IS ALL ATTITUDE. If you are THRILLED to be a parent, have decided to (no matter what) put your child's needs ahead of yours forever, and realize that Children are a gift from God...married or not, you'll probably do okay.

Be careful. Why "shackle" children from single parent homes with this kind of thinking? It's as small minded as people thinking that one race is superior to another.

Be positive. Be an encourager. Be Christ-like. I think there is a reason why God chose an unwed mother to be the mother of His son...because He knew that this would be an issue for us small minded humans! I think not only is Jesus my Lord and Savior, but He is a good example of "not everyone is going to come from a Traditional mom/dad/2 kids kind of home!"

One more thing...I don't think I EVER want to marry. And, I think my child benefits from being raised by a "HAPPY WITH MY LIFE" kind of mom. Just my opinion.

Please read on with my second reply before judging me. I'm not stupid. I've educated myself. I came from a single-parent/divorced home. I am a divorcee, myself.

1st of all . . . be careful. You keep patting yourself on the back, you're bound to hurt yourself.

2nd . . . . God chose an unwed woman because He needed a Virgin to fulfill the prophesy. Jesus wouldn't be who He is if He was born of a human man. And Mary DID have a husband when Jesus was born. Check it out.

3rd . . . . I became pregant with my first child OUT of wedlock. My mother's reaction? Children are a blessing, no matter what. Am I proud? No. Would I change it? No. I can't imagine my life without either of my children (both from the same father who I married who left me for another woman after 7 years of marriage). No life doesn't always turn out the way we thought it would. Our actions and choices all have consequences. Learning and growing from those consequences are important to a successful life.

Don't be so judgemental of those of us who want better for our children. I don't wish for my daughter to marry just about anyone, but I also don't wish for my children to make choices without the full understanding of their consequences. I've been teaching them that since they were born.

and for your information (not that I owe you anything), my oldest - my 14 year old - can and DOES ask me anything. and I mean anything. My second child is autistic. I wouldn't change her for the world, either. It's harder work, but she is a true angel on this earth. I am very blessed.

Sorry Tnkrbl777, in no way did I mean to sound like I am patting myself on the back. If that's the way I come off, I truly apologize. I just hate it that people seem to "expect" children from single parent homes to have some kind of problem. And, they "expect" children from two parent homes to have an advantage. I guess it is a soapbox of mine.

I am a counselor in a very prestigious, private school. I only mention that because not only are these kids from two parent homes, but they have all the financial advantages that most parents DREAM of giving their kids. But, I am DAILY reminded that having dad in the house and having money are NOT going to make happy children. Sometimes "dad" and lots of money make for VERY despondent children.

Anyway, didn't mean to offend.

Thanks for your response.

I guess the real answer to these issues is that the home be a supportive, disciplined one. What we need are for ALL parents, no matter the circumstances, so take parenting seriously . . . . stop being their childn's friend and start teaching them when they are young. Children need to be held accountable for their actions from young on up. This is how my parents raised me, and God bless them for it. I thought it was a tough life, but I am doing the same with my own children. We want to give our kids everything, but what we do when we do that is teach them that they don't have to earn anything. We grew up poor, therefor I know how to budget. We had chores, therefor I know responsibility. We went through tough times, therefor I know how important family is. I think our children are missing out on so much . . . . because we protect them from so much. Does that sound silly?