I want to commend the writer of "The Best Policy" on standing up for what she understands as a pragmatic and unrelenting truth about American society. I did the marriage plan that our parents followed: use self-discipline, have self-respect, be smart, and commit to the marriage for commitment's sake. It hasn't been easy, but I and my wonderful husband are going to celebrate our twentieth anniversary next month and couldn't be happier.

I have noticed a few things about marriage and men in those twenty years that no one seems to mention. By the way, we are also foster parents who have adopted some of the children we fostered, so I have a front row view for the mess we have gotten ourselves into as a nation. First, unwed mothers and couples are far more likely to loose their children to social services than married ones. It is so very hard to raise a child, and many of these unmarried parents lack the help and stability to do it. No government program can ever make up for the tremendous benefit a father gives. As a teacher, the rapid rise of truly distrubed children who will spend a portion of their lives behind bars or locked doors due to their mental state is terrifying. The vast majority of these children are from single parent homes and most have been abused (at least in our district). The children in foster care are also becoming more difficult to heal and are less likely to remain at home once sent back. This is simply a fact. What happens to a generation when many of its children are so damaged?

Now to the endangered husband part. On our block of 12 homes, only four houses contain married couples. Three homes are lived in by widows. The rest are the homes of single mothers. All four husbands are run ragged trying to help our neighbors and friends. The four men are out every time it snows plowing everyones sidewalk and driveways. They are contantly on call to fix plumbing, scare of rats, repair cars and lawnmowers,and help with heavy jobs. The single parents on our block are truly incredible in how they meet their children's needs, and I admire the amount of work they do. However, each one has bemoaned the fact the she doesn't have a husband to help her out, and none of them thought it would be as hard as it is. Each one has stated that without the four husbands they couldn't make it. It seems that the endangered husband is the most desired and least caught animal on the planet.

As for my husband, he is happy to help, but is also overwhelmed by with the need. Each of the men, in true masculine form, wants to help these families out and is willing to due so at almost any cost. However, our large family also needs the dad that I waited worked so hard for. It is our marriage that is the key to that stable home that so many neighbors are jealous of and depend upon. It is sad that they often don't see it that way. They more often than not have a live in boyfriend that stays a while, rent free by the way, and then leaves them in a worst state than when he came.

It may be just me, but I often hear my grandmother's words coming back at me as we try to help and love our neighbors. Grandma had a well known saying about a cow and free milk(which my husband and the other men of the neighborhood have confirmed is true). Also, she often said that spending time with a man who didn't think you were good enough to take his name was a waste of your time. How I wish I could broadcast those two sayings to the world.