If Brooding knows their family is considered extremely large in their society, they should understand that people will say something about it, especially if in their part of the country it is socially unacceptable to be having a large family. I do not agree with the way people seem to portray their thoughts to Brooding, but if Brooding is going to break the ‘norm’, there is going to be people who comment. Strangers are very rude, they believe they can be ‘an ass for a minute’ and get away with it simply because you’ll never see them again. It’s not right, but Brooding has to accept the place where they’re at probably doesn’t appreciate the amount of children they have. I suggest moving to a place where children are more accepted. They can just sit there and ask the society to stop being upset about their ‘norm breaking’, but when has that ever worked? Sorry, ignoring doesn’t make things go away or get any better.

I know a lot of people are upset that anyone could have the nerve to say such things about children, but we should all take a deep breath and really think about it. It may be hard to fathom, but those people who tell others ‘you’re better off not having kids’ are probably talking about many things, like the state of the world, overpopulation, the hard life it will grow up into, or are wondering “why didn’t you adopt”? Maybe they’re insulting not because they dislike children in general, but they believe those people should have adopted a lot and not done a +1 to the census. I am sure ‘laying into them’ sounds great when you don‘t understand their point of view, and though the Children of Men world would be no good, I firmly think, Prudie, that people should take into account children are born every minute of every day accidentally and there really is no need to have to keep the population ‘growing’. We’re really not going to go extinct for quite a long time unless we all blow up. Though I believe in adoption over conceiving, I would never tell people “the world would have been better if you didn’t have those kids.” Next time someone says that, instead of ignoring them, Brooding should ask why and listen to their opinion and debate it, because they should understand all sides of the argument and still stand firmly with their choice of having a ‘large gaggle’. If someone had a good argument for having a large amount of children, I wouldn’t think twice about it, but I find the excuse for most parents is, ‘it just happened’, and no child should ‘just happen’ when there are plenty who have already ‘happened’.

To note, I am not saying people should stop conceiving, I completely understand the male need to ‘pass on the genes’ and the females need to be ‘motherly’ to an offspring of her own womb, but I find that people should look past their own wants and think first of needs. Many children need a parent and a loving home with a future, men and women don’t necessarily need to pass on their genes or have it come directly from their womb. I know adopting, especially out of the country to third would countries, is a huge amount of money, but if one really thinks hard about it, the basic logic of thinking that way is “since I can’t afford this child, I’ll just conceive one for myself”. That’s not really fair when you think of it, it is.

People who say such rude things to a woman and her kids, deserve to be slapped! Who cares what their society says? Having three kids is her choice and she's entitled to having ten kids if she wants to! People should mind their own business!

I have 3 children, people have as much right to tell me how many kids I should have as they do in other matters. You know like how to use my breasts, how to raise my children etc. The last time someone told me that I shouldn't have had SO many children I told them that they shouldn't have any as I wouldnt want my children having to socialize with anyone that had the misfortune to be born into that family.

Rude? YUP I'm tired of being told how to live my life and how to raise my children. If these people are so "socially aware" perhaps they should move to Africa or somewhere else and help out over there rather than stopping me on the street to bitch me out.

"I find that people should look past their own wants and think first of needs. Many children need a parent and a loving home with a future, men and women don’t necessarily need to pass on their genes or have it come directly from their womb." At the risk of advocating social darwinism, this sounds like a terrible idea. Those of us who are smart and responsible enough to care for children should take just take care of the offspring of people who weren't, instead of conceiving our own? That sounds like a great way to really F up the gene pool. Note, I have nothing against adopting, I've even considered doing it myself someday- but in addition to, not instead of, having children of my own. Heck, I think smart people have an obligation to reproduce.

KikiRabbit:

If Brooding knows their family is considered extremely large in their society, they should understand that people will say something about it, especially if in their part of the country it is socially unacceptable to be having a large family. I do not agree with the way people seem to portray their thoughts to Brooding, but if Brooding is going to break the ‘norm’, there is going to be people who comment. Strangers are very rude, they believe they can be ‘an ass for a minute’ and get away with it simply because you’ll never see them again. It’s not right, but Brooding has to accept the place where they’re at probably doesn’t appreciate the amount of children they have. I suggest moving to a place where children are more accepted. They can just sit there and ask the society to stop being upset about their ‘norm breaking’, but when has that ever worked? Sorry, ignoring doesn’t make things go away or get any better.

Are you reading your own post? "Ignoring doesn’t make things go away or get any better" is the only reasonable thing you've said in this paragraph, even though that's what you are advocating throughout it. They should MOVE because people don't like their choices? They should ACCEPT rudeness?

I think rudeness begets rudeness. You don't have to sink to the level of the person intruding upon your life, but you DO have the right to challenge them on why they are making it their personal business, or to make a witty but scathing comment about their behavior.

One certainly should not feel obligated to be forced to live where others find their lifes choice "acceptable". That smacks of ghettoism. Not "ghetto" as people think of it now (i.e., a poor, black, crime ridden neighborhood), but the traditional use of the term, "a section of a city, ... inhabited predominantly by members of an ethnic or other minority group, often as a result of social or economic restrictions, pressures, or hardships."

KikiRabbit, you sound like a gogo dancer.

Who is to determine who is "smart"? (referring to the comment that smart people should have children.) "Smart" is not equivalent to being kind, wise, good for society.

Diane Lou:

Who is to determine who is "smart"? (referring to the comment that smart people should have children.)

I will :)

Seriously though, it's not hard to measure intelligence. Aside from an IQ test, being well-educated and successful at your chosen career are good indicators.

Diane Lou:

"Smart" is not equivalent to being kind, wise, good for society.

Actually, smart people are pretty important for society. They do stuff like cure diseases and invent new technologies. Unfortunately, there's an inverse correlation between birth rate and educational level, which is eventually going to bite us on the ass.

Let me post it again in a smaller context, because it seems people either skimmed through what I typed or didn't understand it.

[quote user ="KikiRabbit"]I would never tell people “the world would have been better if you didn’t have those kids.” Next time someone says that, instead of ignoring them, Brooding should ask why and listen to their opinion and debate it, because they should understand all sides of the argument and still stand firmly with their choice of having a ‘large gaggle’. If someone had a good argument for having a large amount of children, I wouldn’t think twice about it, but I find the excuse for most parents is, ‘it just happened’

KikiRabbit:

And about other people not being 'smart' enough, there is rarely any protection in China, Africa, and I doubt rapists bring a condom with them. Many children are not convieced out of 'stupidity', but in far worse ways.

I have no doubt that women in many other parts of the world have less say in whether they get pregnant. However, I'm not convinced that we should raise other countries' children in lieu of having our own.

I have no problem with the suggestion that people adopt, as I said, I'm considering it myself. I just have a problem with the argument that that we should forgo having our own children and just raise everyone else's.

KikiRabbit:

What I was suggesting about moving is more for the children then themselves. If a child hears and sees these interactions with other adults, it's not a good place to bring them up in. I was thinking first of the children and not of stubborness. If people were being prejudice just towards me, I wouldn't think twice about 'laying into them', but if my children were present, I would never subject them to that kind of ridicule nor my own wrath. It's not kind to fight in front of children.

First, any "polite" discussions about whether someone should have X-number children, once the children are already born, is like discussing with someone who is pregnant whether or not they should have sex, or explaining to a 70-year old why they should have saved more toward retirement. It's totally pointless and accomplishes nothing except to allow the "polite" person bringing it up to feel superior.

The past cannot be changed. Even with an abortion, the pregnant woman still has had sex. Even if they win the lottery, the older person still failed to save. And even with infanticide (which I would hope no one would suggest), the person with several children still has those children. They could give them up for adoption, but that is merely passing the responsibility on to someone else, a responsibility they presumably embraced in having and keeping the children in the first place.

One cannot shelter children from all boorishness. I'm not even sure that in itself is healthy. Statistically, most people live close to where they were brought up, near friends and family. I submit that it is far more unhealthy to drag the children away from people they love and who love them, perhaps for the parents to have work which is leff rewarding both emotionally and financially, than to permit them to see rude people at their finest.

As I mentioned elsewhere, I am the youngest of a large brood myself. I did hear people ask my mother such questions as, "Why on Earth would anyone want to be stuck with so many kids?" Far from it harming my delicate little psyche, it actually taught me sometime. My mother calmly responded each time, "Which one would you have me do away with?" I learned you can respond to rudeness with humor and reason, and then dismiss it for the drivel it is.

glutton79:

I have no doubt that women in many other parts of the world have less say in whether they get pregnant. However, I'm not convinced that we should raise other countries' children in lieu of having our own.

I have no problem with the suggestion that people adopt, as I said, I'm considering it myself. I just have a problem with the argument that that we should forgo having our own children and just raise everyone else's.

Oh no, I never said "only adopt', that would bring about the Children Of Men scenario. I don't encourage ONLY adopting, I was stating these people who talk of having three or four children should look into adopting at least one. I think one or two to pass on the genes is fine, but five? Six? By then I do raise an eyebrow.

IncogNeato:

I did hear people ask my mother such questions as, "Why on Earth would anyone want to be stuck with so many kids?" Far from it harming my delicate little psyche, it actually taught me sometime. My mother calmly responded each time, "Which one would you have me do away with?" I learned you can respond to rudeness with humor and reason, and then dismiss it for the drivel it is.

There can be many factors of your choice though, one can be your genes and the way your parents raised you (Which sounds like they did a good job), but remember that is your own experience and choice to learn from it. Even children will taunt other children simply because of their home life. Yes, I do believe you have a point, taking into consideration if the child had friends or loved ones where they're at. Brooding did not state wether she saw her children in good company at school or home, so I assumed if they aren't getting along at all, and the children are taunted, that they find a better place. Our opinions differ from our own experiences, I of one where my parents moved from a very bad situation to better our lives, and it worked. You're right on your reasons, but I also have my own insight that may fit the situation also. In truth, both of us could be right, but it depends soley on Brooding's situation, children's situation, their relationships with others, ect. So we'll never know, I guess.