Dear Prudence

I don't think he's dumb.

IncogNeato — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 01:53:14 GMT

I think he's in a state of denial. "If I ignore it, maybe it will go away." This mindset is used to avoid dealing with many things, a kid in trouble, creditors at the door, a bad marriage, someone's illness - mental or otherwise, etc. He does need to get past that and deal with the problem.

I just wanted to thank you, Former C.

Isonomist — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 14:41:48 GMT

There will be someone who reads your message and realizes that they can get help and find peace of mind. You're being the best example of what is good about people, and what can be great about DP.

cutting advice . . .

baltimore aureole — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 22:39:52 GMT

you're right that the woman who's cutting her wrists needs a psychiatric evaluation.

but the husband has to be a complete moron if he couldn't figure this out himself . . . he had to write to "prudie" for advice?

this guy is sooooo dumb that we can't rule out the fact that his stupidity is what's actually driving his wife crazy . . .

demons/Jinns

DigitalSoul — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 21:27:20 GMT

Your understanding from Christian faith is exactly the same as in muslims faith. The only difference is that you seek refuge through Jesus. Muslims seek refuge from these things through God.

There are Jinns who we cant see but they are around us. They can be good or they can be bad. The bad ones will ofcourse try to bother you. These bad ones are satan and his umm.... I dont know how to say it... like followers. They do their best to take humans away from the right path on the instruction of satan. And they want to see all the humans in misery and start believeing that the cure to their misery is following stanic ways and not following God and good ways. So humans will keep comitting bad things hoping to 'fix' and improve their lives but actually, they are going in the wrong direction. A direction which will never give them peace of mind and happiness.

Couple of days, I was listening to explaination of a verse from Quran through a 'woman' scholar who said that when a follower of satan causes misunderstanding and strife between a husband and a wife or a couple in true love, satan places a crowne on such follower bcz this is considered a major achievement by satan that a husband and wife/ a couple in love would break up. Becasue this causes family break ups and is the most dangerous harm to the humans and the society bcz breaking of family, the whole society suffers, not just the husband and wife or their children. This is the worse that satan can do to humans bcz broken families destroy socities. And it is very easy for them too bcz itis easier to create misunderstanding between a couple.

Re: I've begged "it" to go away

Madd_Libby — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 21:11:43 GMT

*offers you a hug* I can't fathom the pain you have been coping with this year. I know that I have been brought to my knees from emotional pain that can't begin to compare to your own, so I agree whole-heartedly that Prudie is being a bit reactionary on this one.

Re: I've begged "it" to go away

Madd_Libby — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 21:10:00 GMT

What I "know" is based on my Christian upbringing. I believe that there are angels and demons. I believe demons enjoy messing with people. They take pleasure in our misery. I belive that they mess harder with people the perceive as more vulnerable (because they talk about it more) or more firmly placed in their faith in Christ. I belive that they do this for one of two reasons. The first reason (if they are talked about more) is because the person has already acknowledged the potential for their presence, and is therefore more likely to be persuaded to believe that it is something that is more powerful than they have the capacity to fight/something that they must appease. If the person goes down the path of appeasement, it becomes easier and easier to assure the demon that this person is unlikely ever to know that Jesus loves them and wants to be known in a real and personal way by them. The second reason (for those who have more firmly placed their faith in Christ) is because they don't want to admit they have ever lost a soul to God. They would much rather torment that person and break their faith. Look at what they did to Job.

I believe that there is nothing that I personally can do to prevent or lessen the attacks of demons on myself. However, I do believe that Jesus is more than capable of keep them away from me, all He wants is for me to ask Him to.

As a result, in stead of cursing something causing me negative feelings, I use the positive power of acknowledging Jesus' lordship over all that is and asking Him to take it away from me.

But, as I said, this is all from my perspective, having been raised as a Christian. I haven't heard any other explanation for phenomenon like you have described (other than those who would insist that everything has a logical and scientific answer. I wouldn't say that is wrong, but I do believe there are things in this world that we cannot explain by mere logic and/or science.).

Re: I've begged "it" to go away

DigitalSoul — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 20:46:18 GMT

Funny that you say that bcz my uncle once told me the same thing that the more you talk about 'these' things, the more they get attracted towards you. Because these things are all around us but they dont care as long as they dont hear us humans talking about them alot. He told me that bcz he said I shouldnt be so much fascinated by such things cz I used to talk about these things alot.

I find this subject fascinating only bcz this is something less known to us humans and is myterious.

What else do you know about this topic?

Madd_Libby:
Perhaps your fascination with the Exorcist has let "something" in.

Re: I've begged "it" to go away

Madd_Libby — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 20:23:49 GMT

Perhaps your fascination with the Exorcist has let "something" in.

For the sake of this discussion, I'm working with a belief that there are evil spirits in the world who attack people.

If that is the case, why would you combat an evil spirit with cursing? How would you figure something that is causing negative feelings would be scared off by negative talk?

Think of Star Wars "anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side." If you are combating something from the dark side, why would you give it fuel?

Re: I've begged "it" to go away

DigitalSoul — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 20:06:14 GMT

former_cutter,

Please dont say that and please dont misunderstand my question regarding 'it'. I am actually trying to analyse women's behaviour in general. Because I also locked myself up in a bathroom once making my mom go all crazy at what I was doing and why. She had to seek help from an aunt and his son to talk to me into getting myself out of bathroom bcz I wouldnt listen to her. I've never done all that stuff since I've started to live alone. That's why I was wondering if my behaviour or women's such behaviour is to get sympathy. Why dont I do all that anymore now that I know if I lock myself up, there is noone to beg me to get out or if I harm myself, there is no one to stop me. My attitude has changed completely since I've started to live alone and I sometimes feel extremely sorry for how many different times and ways I made my mother cry and worry about me. But I cant change the past. So this amazes me and I wonder if living alone factor has changed my attitude? The different now is that I feel depressed instead of doing all those crazy things. So maybe all those feelings which I cannot express anymore bcz of being slone are turning into depression by staying inside me, maybe? So bcz living alone has changed my attitude, I was wondering if all the women would behave differently if they knew there was no one to see/listen to them. That's what I was trying to analyse.

Also let me tell you something interesting about that 'it' thing. Why I am concerned is bcz once (about 3 yrs ago), I was driving to work and was pissed off over something. I dont remember what. So, I said inside my heart, "Whoever the hell are you, just leave me alone, you f****** sh**" And I cursed & bad-mouthed 'something' which was there which was causing the bad things to me. Guess what happened the next moment? Out of nowhere, all of a sudden, there was a heavy sand storm. So heavy that my car shook so badly that it felt like it'd turn upside down. Cz of heavy sand, thre was less visibility and lots of garbage and stuff kept on flying and banging into my windscreen that it became hard to drive. I had just entered the town when suddenly my car (one year old out of the showroom) gave me a sharp noise and started to 'jerk'. I felt so hot that I started sweating. The AC stopped working suddenly. I immediately called my agency. He asked me to decribe what was happening with the car. He asked about the temperature needle and I saw that it was on 'H'. I told him. He screeeeeeeemed, "STOP THE CAR IMMEDIATELY". I did. I stopped the car at the side of the road. He told me to wait 10 minutes before starting the car again. I did. And when I started the car, I couldnt. It just wouldnt start like it was dead. He could not understand what it could be. So he told me that he'll have to send a tow truck to take the car. I went to the service centre to see if I could take my car back they could not figure out why it could not be started. So I had to leave the car there. To get to the main road to grab a taxi, I was walking towards the main road when suddenly again the sand storm hit me bad. I was wearing contact lenses. All the dust/sand into my eyes it was really painful. My eyes swelled and I got dust allergy. During work, I was stressed about this whole issue bcz being without a car was impossible for me. I dont know why but I apologised to that 'thing' whom I was cursing earlier during the day when it all started.

When I finished work, I received a call from the service centre. They told me to come and take away my car cz nothing was wrong with it. I went there and asked I mean WTH was all that. They said nothing of this sort has ever happened with a new car and they are unable to understand what caused the car jerk, stop, temperature shoot to 'HOT' and then not being started. They said if I face a problem again, I can call them but at that time, they could not find anything wrong with the car so I could take it.

Hmm.... so what could that 'it' be is what I was wondering about..... and and and... Oh I wanna watch 'The Exorcist' alone!!!

former_cutter: You're fortunate to have never been in a place where you're sobbing in heap, begging the pain ("it") to go away; if you had, you'd see that it makes sense.

Re: I've begged "it" to go away

former_cutter — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 19:00:00 GMT

Digital Soul, as I stated earlier, the purpose behind the cutting was a hope that I could dull my emotional pain, that I could make "it" go away. You're fortunate to have never been in a place where you're sobbing in heap, begging the pain ("it") to go away; if you had, you'd see that it makes sense.

Secondly, I don't see how that it's relevant if she was looking for pity. More likely, she was confiding her deepest, darkest secret to the man she trusts most in the world -- and, maybe, making a cry for help because she realizes that things are starting to go to far. As for me, I lived alone during the period that I cut, although my (now ex) boyfriend was sometimes over when I was cutting and sometimes knew what I was up to, though I never advertised it. I wish he had been as caring about it and as eager to get me help as the Concerned Husband here.

Re: I've begged "it" to go away

DigitalSoul — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 18:55:19 GMT

Actually actually actually.... maybe it is my recent refresher study about demons/, jinns, spirits, etc which is causing me to be suspicious of that 'it' thingi in the letter. Oh, this is just my curiosity cz I really wanna watch 'The Exorcist' alone. I cant believe they can make a film which looks soooooooo real. Oh my Gawd...

Re: I've begged "it" to go away

DigitalSoul — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 18:48:18 GMT

Everything else makes sense. Being violent, moody, hurting yourself, locking yourself up. Bloacking yourself away from your husband, refusing help, etc. all could be PMS. I have seen very well educated, intelligent, smart and otherwise sensible females go all that during PMS but.... referring to a 'third' thing/person as the LW. She wished that 'it' would go away sounds hallucinating.

Isonomist:
many many times. "It" being the loss of my son. Prudie's being a bit overboard in assuming the woman is hallucinating because she wants her pain to go away.

I've begged "it" to go away

Isonomist — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 18:40:07 GMT

many many times. "It" being the loss of my son. Prudie's being a bit overboard in assuming the woman is hallucinating because she wants her pain to go away.

Re: Advice from a former PMS cutter

SWR — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 18:32:09 GMT

Thank you for being brave enough to write about your experience. I hope the husband reads these letters and learns from them. My heart goes out to him and his wife.

We are all so very close to mental illness; a simple chemical imbalance can turn our lives upside down. I am happy you caught the seriousness of your problem and got help.

I hope your recovery continues.

Re: Advice from a former PMS cutter

DigitalSoul — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 18:27:26 GMT

After you would cut yourself or cause yourself any harm, were you expecting any pity from your husband or did you used to hide it from him? Or were you living alone then?

former_cutter: DigitalSoul, with one exception, I only cut when in the bathroom, usually sitting on the floor and once or twice while in the shower. The purpose behind the cutting was a hope that I could dull my emotional pain, that I could make it go away.