Dear Prudence

Re: Office Style

Abeille — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 18:10:16 GMT

I too disagree with Prudie's advice here: this isn't about style, it's about priorities. Despite not being obsessed with style and not being willing to spend thousds of dollars on my wardrobe (and, frankly, being a little bit of a fashion-retard), I have worked my way into a pretty comfortable and high-level corporate position. In every company I worked for, there were "those women": the ones who turned work into a fashion competition and judged other female workers on what they wore. But you know what, I've also worked with a significant number of businesswomen who were obsessed with, well,WORK, not clothes, and often the latter type of women were in much better positions professionally than the former, despite the fact that they cycled between two business suits every day for a year because they spent too much time in the office to go shopping.

I'm not saying that either is better: there are always catty ladies in the workplace, just as there are always annoying (sometimes perverted) guys. I just think that this person should take heart: at some point in her career she'll come across a manager or mentor who will see her lack of concern for the superficial stuff as an indication of her seriousness about her work, and soon she'll be in a position to serve as a more inspiring mentor to the next smart, ambitious, (possibly style-challenged) young woman who jumps into the fray.

Re: Office Style

FBH — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 00:01:58 GMT

If I were this woman, I would shorten the dress rotation to two or three days. The two women in question need a high degree of undermining.

Re: Office Style

catseye — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 15:52:35 GMT

I work in an office where business casual is the dress code. I don't shop at the more upscale department stores because I can't afford to and I bet the letter writer really can't afford to do it, either. She should change her clothing style only if she really wants to and can afford to. Otherwise, she should ignore her "mentors" who are clearly not interested in mentoring anybody. I don't think the letter writer's the only one these witches are gossiping about!

Unfortunately, you'll find people like this, male and female, just about anywhere you work. Letter writer should only look for another job if she's miserable with the entire work situation and that's not the impression I got from what she wrote. She should maintain a cordial relationship with the witches, but from now on, watch her back. It would also help if she toughened up a little.

Re: Office Style

mygretel — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 14:22:48 GMT

Eudora is 100% correct - I hope "Office Style" will pay attention to her advice. I say this from the viewpoint of someone who has Been There!

Re: Office Style

dumb_blonde — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 13:46:24 GMT

Because of what I do at work, I run the print center for a professional pharmaceutical company, I buy all my work clothes at thrift shops. It is business casual. But because of the toner, heavy lifting, on my feet almost all day, binding machines, etc. I will not spend good money on clothes that can get ruined.

I get comments all the time on my clothes.

That woman should just ignore the comments, if she is comfortable with what she is wearing, then wear what she wants. Create your own unique fashion.

Some women fall into becomming fashion whores, they will wear what ever the current fashion in, no matter how ugly or hideous the fashions are. Some women have never gotten over that Jr. High school, trying to fit in mentality.

Re: Office Style

IncogNeato — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 13:10:13 GMT

Both are unprofessional. The difference, of course, is the women's remarks were "about" her and the man's remark was directed "to" her. His apparently were intended to be friendly, at least.

She definitely needs to polish her resume and start looking for an office which is more professional. And she needs to make friends with her peers - male of female, rather than the higher ups. Just because they are all female doesn't mean they want to be buddies. It's not necessarily easy. Being in a non-traditional job can be a lonely experience.

Usually, a person wanting to mentor someone will come to them with helpful advice and so forth whenever possible, giving them better, easier, and more efficient ways to do various tasks. I'm guessing these two "mentor" her by sloughing off unwanted tasks onto her, in the guise of helping her "develop professionally."

Re: Office Style

Eudora — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 13:02:52 GMT

She should tough it out at this job for a year (can look weird on the resume otherwise, like you jump ship easily or got canned), get as much experience out of this job as she can -- and keep an eye out for a better place! In the meantime, yeah, she should try and figure out if there's some bit of truth to what these women said, and change up her wardrobe for work, but not go crazy or break the bank. But she shouldn't feel like she has to "go it alone" - she should find support in her mom, friends, etc. . . . and then use her nicest new outfit for job interviews.

It's a damn shame these women turned out to be sharks - instead of helping an eager kid who looked up to them. If there's anything I can't abide, it's women who tear each other down when they should be helping them out. And you'd think such "sophisticated businesswomen" would know better than to bitch about a co-worker where she could overhear!

Re: Office Style

mizbinkley — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 12:54:41 GMT

I agree that "No-Style Protégée" might want to consult with some non-catty parties about her wardrobe choices. And accessories like scarves and jewelry can make an outfit look more professional.

However, I don't think Protégée should dismiss the catty women just yet. She can still learn a lot from them. They might actually be able to teach her some things about business. If nothing else, she'll learn how to deal with catty people, which, unfortunately, is also a business skill.

If she's feeling daring, she should approach them. Tell them she admires they're professionalism and style and would appreciate some hints for stylish professionalism on a budget. Even if they don't have any tips to offer, they'll likely quit gossiping about her. People often try to live up to whatever compliment you've thrown them (eg. if you're pretty certain a customer is going to be annoyed because you put them on hold, thanking them "so much" for their patience can diffuse a situation.)

Approaching the cats might also help Protégée get her confidence back.

Re: Office Style

SGrace — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 12:48:04 GMT

I too found Prudie's advice unhelpful. The opinions of two small-minded women don't necessarily dictate what's fashionably acceptable in the workplace. Furthermore, Prude's advice reinforces this young woman's sense of insecurity by advising her to go out and get better clothes to "show how stylish she can be." Really weak. Either of the two comments above provide better advice. Find better mentors or find a better workplace!

Re: Office Style

SusanM — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 12:29:58 GMT

I agree, these women are not going to be very good for her career wise or in the more friendly mentor roll. Your advice to find a friend to critique is an excellent one! Sometimes even the sales people at a clothing store can be a good source of information.

However, part of me says this girl should also start looking for a new job. Most business places are not stuck on fashion and if she isn't, she could be scouting around for a place where she can have both her career and a comfortable place to work.

I really think these women's comments are worse than the other letter with the guy commenting on how the woman smells. Funny how Prudie thinks one is acceptable because it comes from a woman but the other criminal because it comes from a man.

Office Style

Eudora — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 12:11:57 GMT

I don't entirely agree with Prudie's advice to the girl whose bosses made snide comments about her clothes behind her back. First order of business is to find some new mentors, maybe female relatives or family friends in the same line of work or just successful in an office atmosphere. Also, she should ask someone else, someone she trusts, to give her a brutally honest assessment of her work clothing - before she frets about this any more, she should determine whether her clothes are actually professional, just not as high-end as these catty women would prefer? If so, maybe she just needs to add a few pieces or accessories to dress up what she already has.

I doubt these two women are going to be good mentors to her - if they truly cared, they would've have found a nice, helpful way to tell her "you know what you'd look great in and would make you look really professional? I remember when I was starting out and had to make a whole work wardrobe from an entry salary, I . . . " She should be pleasant to these women but wary of them -- and look for mentors elsewhere.

(And most of us do the "10-day rotation" unless we're snotty and clothing obsessed. Work clothes are expensive, and you really only need to make sure you're not wearing something repetitive in front of clients or the like.)