Dear Prudence

Re: Or sniffing coke.

songamyself — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 23:58:15 GMT

Yeah, but what if he's not doing something "optional?" Then, he may feel embarrassed about something out of his control- like everybody is sooo concerned with his bathroom breaks. 10 minutes doesn't seem like a long time- and she didn't say that he does this all day long, just once a day. What is the difference if someone goes twice or three times a day for 5 minutes, or 15 at the start? Also, you're right about the stroke thing- if someone is in the bathroom for an unusual period of time that may be a problem- but this guy is not having a stroke everyday- nor does he deserve to have the door knocked on with cries of "are you okay?" every time he goes to relieve himself.

Re: Bowel Movements?

azlady — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 19:44:56 GMT

I think the manager show speak to the gentleman. If his commute is 30 minutes then he should leave 45 minutes prior. This isn't about his time in the restroom. Its inconsiderate to fellow workers who are helping customers for him not to be available to do his job during working hours. If he needs extra time in the morning leave early.

Re: Bowel Movements?

IncogNeato — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 16:31:48 GMT

I bet most would "understand" a lot more with a woman, even if she was just wasting company time putting on make-up.

I was first-level supervisor over a young woman once who would go do that for about 20-30 minutes near the end of each day. I spoke to her, but sometimes I still had to catch her on the way out with her makeup bag and remind her that work would be over in 30 minutes.

Re: Bowel Movements?

SusanM — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 16:29:52 GMT

Except that if it is something like irritable bowel syndrome, we are talking about a medical condition that could be seen as a disability. Or it could be a definite disability like diabetes. I would assume that an employer would allow him 15 minutes a day to accommodate a disability.

However, if it is just him screwing around then the employer would have no need to accommodate him.

So, what he is doing is important if they want to address it. Personally I think 15 minutes a day in the bathroom is acceptable for any reason but then, I'm the one that drinks a 32 oz glass of water every hour.

Re: Sometimes worry's not welcome, though.

IncogNeato — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 16:23:47 GMT

True, sometimes you should leave well enough alone. I recall how annoying/embararssing it was when people got all fluttery when I had morning sickness at work a few millenia ago. But again, I doubt he's got food poisoning 3 days a week, either.

IF they say anything at all to him, it should be only one person, only one time. If he's like some people, his schedule will change when daylight saving time ends.

Re: Bowel Movements?

SandyHook — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 16:13:32 GMT

He's just going to the bathroom for christ's sake. He's just very very regular.

Re: Bowel Movements?

Honey — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 16:08:21 GMT

Would the office full of women be concerned if it were another woman rather than the man? curious.

Re: Bowel Movements?

bzl — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 15:55:49 GMT

I actually think this is an easy one. If his "absence" is affecting his work performance, which it seems it might be, then it doesn't matter if he's in the bathroom, out back smoking, spending time at a corner computer online, or whatever, the issue is simply that and nothing more. It should be dealt with that he's missing vital client contact time regularly, regardless for what reason. That's the best way to approach the situation. Making it about his "bathroom habits" makes it sound ridiculous, as is obvious to everyone here.

Re: Sometimes worry's not welcome, though.

ElleBlue — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 15:32:25 GMT

Just visitiing, couldn't agree with your more. One experience with food poisoning will totally cause one to emphasize with this guy. She should mind her own business.

Sometimes worry's not welcome, though.

justvisiting — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 14:40:50 GMT

I have a friend who suffers from something that requires her to spend lengthy periods of time in the bathroom without much warning. She finds the condition humiliating enough; if she felt pressured to explain in greater detail to someone who wasn't a friend, family member, or health care professional in order to be left alone and/or cleared of suspicion, she'd probably start job-hunting right away.

Prudie's right. Unless whatever he's doing in there is spilling over into other aspects of his work, the letter writer needs to MHOB.

Re: Bowel Movements?

ghouck — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 14:36:33 GMT

Lol @ "Number 3", , haven't heard that in a long time. .

Re: Or sniffing coke.

ghouck — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 14:32:40 GMT

It's doubtful he's having a stroke or anything like that 3 times a week, or doing coke 3 times a week, besides, a person can do coke faster than they can pee, so one wouldn't be in there for long periods, but rather very often. LW should feel lucky she DOESN'T know what he was doing: at least he's not "fumigating" the place, if you get my drift.

Chances are that if you say something to the guy and he takes it the wrong way, or is just a jerk anyways, it'll change from 3 times a wee k to 3 times a DAY, every day.

Or sniffing coke.

IncogNeato — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 13:54:19 GMT

They could either ask him or his supervisor if everything is okay; that they are worried about him. I once worked with a woman who was in the restroom and inordinate amount of time, and went to check on her. She had had a stroke.

If he's doing anything optional, expressing concern and asking if he's okay (only once) should slow down his optional activities.

Re: Bowel Movements?

Kareeser — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 13:49:30 GMT

So was I... so was I... but either way, the letter writer is quite disrespectful. Seriously, 15 minutes out of an 8 hour work day is very little.

I'd advise her to spend her 15 minutes by working instead of fuming over this man's morning habits, whether they be number 1, number 2, or *ahem*, "number 3".

Bowel Movements?

Heleva — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 13:33:13 GMT

I was thinking he was in there spanking his monkey when I read the letter. Honestly. Either way good advice.