The Happiness Project

Sooner or later, usually sooner...

mikestand — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:16:56 GMT

...most writers become enamored of the process of writing, which then becomes "writing" and soon enough 'Writing". I suppose most other occupations are subject to something similar, but this is the only one (maybe broadcasting too) where the subject and the medium can be so easily conflated.

Does anyone know where the Blog chart is?

Little Miss Positive — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:04:13 GMT

I need help! I'm very interested in locating the chart where Gretchin has collated all of the cool blog and websites for being happy, but I can't find it on the Toolkit page. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Little Miss Positive

Interesting

Stewart Bone — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 16:45:53 GMT

Very useful posting. Having moved countries several times I would say that loneliness is a real threat but can be an incredible learning experience. It makes you evaluate who you can identify with and how to connect with these people. I don't feel loneliness is likely to make one unhappy but the lack of incoming feedback from social interaction can lead to negativity and a bunker mentality. It may be that unhappiness contributes to loneliness more than the reverse. Travelling and living abroad, when dealt with effectively, is probably one of the most useful experiences for altering one's approach to life and others. Such people are often very much more aware of their social environment. Solving the problem is reasonably straightforward- join a big club (or several) and connect with others. It does work but it may take a few months and one has to be persistent and tolerant.

I admire americans for their open and friendly attitude. Europeans see this as superficial but it really gives any possible connection a chance and breaks the ice. This is one of the USA's greatest qualities as a nation.

I'll tell you how to be happy

northwoods — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:53:11 GMT

Move out of the deep south and rust belt states.

That's what CNN's 50 state poll told me yesterday.

PS: Move to Utah or Hawaii.

Happiness: Just another American obsession

VanMan — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:22:16 GMT

If there was a botox for happiness, we'd all being lining up for it wouldn't we? I like short sayings that make me feel stronger too, but the batch in the last article don't really suffice and border on the trite. I stole this from a movie but I think it far more sums up the reality for most of us: "It's not how hard you hit, it's how hard you can take a hit and still keep moving forward." Anyone with a brain who is also sensitive realizes that life is inherently full of suffering - it's meaning that gives us a reason to go forward and a search for happiness, even one accompanied by action, does not provide happiness and it is fundamentally meaningless. Nor is it a reason to go forward. Best of luck to those who think happiness is what matters most.

Empty Shelf

rapple37 — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:48:20 GMT

Doesn't the idea of always keeping an empty shelf go against everything in the article up until that point. If it isn't something you use, and you don't plan on using it, then the the empty shelf could just be considered clutter, and you should get rid of it. Perhaps you could keep an empty wall to put a future empty shelf on in case you ever need one.

Absolutely

Serai — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:41:48 GMT

I find that if I leave the house in a rush, I invariably have to turn around and go back in at least twice for things I forgot. This usually makes me not only late but also annoyed with myself. If I take the extra minute to make sure I have everything I'll require, I leave earlier than I would have otherwise, plus I'm in a better frame of mind.

As the Taoists would say, the current will take you. There's no need to fight.

Being in a hurry makes you less helpful

laughingchimp — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 20:23:52 GMT

This reminds me of the classic psychology study where seminary students pass by a man in distress on their way to give a talk. The students are either preparing to talk about seminary jobs or the good samaritan. Half of the students are told they are late and half are told they have some extra time but should head over anyway. It turned out that it did not matter whether or not they were thinking of the good samaritan but it did matter whether they were in a rush.

Slow down and you are going to feel like you have the time to accomodate those around you.

http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/psp/27/1/100/

slow down when you're in a rush

lynnlibrarian — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 02:43:50 GMT

An old bookbinder's maxim is "Slow is fast." I think of this in the morning as I'm driving to work, and realize that getting into an accident would really slow down my morning.

Happiness

Tuppeny — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:28:26 GMT

How about: The best things in life aren't things

Short sayings for short attention spans

StevenSeim — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:18:05 GMT

That was a MySpace posting honey. Not 'Slate' enough.

Back to your Kaypro (or Osborne) again to lively it up ok?

Remember, 'Pot will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no pot.' -Freak Brothers

The Shins

siegewulf — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:56:41 GMT

"Over the ramparts you tossed
The scent of your skin and some foreign flowers
Tied to a brick
Sweet as a song
The years have been short but the days were long."

That is from a gorgeous song by The Shins, called "Pink Bullets".

Later, the sentiment is almost repeated:

"Over the ramparts you tossed
The scent of your skin and some foreign flowers
Tied to a brick
Sweet as a song
The years have been short but the days go slowly by
Two loose kites falling from the sky
Drawn to the ground and an end to flight."

Anyway, I love that line, too.

Extreme fiscal conservatism is the way to low stress

Becephalus — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:45:38 GMT

80% of people with cash lying around spend it until it becomes a problem. So don't have it lying around.

My wife and I bought a house maybe 1/3 or 1/4 of what we were approved for. We spend almost all our excess earnings paying down the mortgage. Each month we have say 5k in income and 4k in bills/food/etc.. Putting an extra 750 on the mortgage each month stops us from buying new cars when we don't really need them, or adding on a garage that probably really wouldn't be worth the10k we would spend on it from a utilitarian perspective. We don't go out to eat etc.

We make as a family 1/2 to 1/8 what our co-workers' families do. We are the most financially stable and least stressed of them all. Instead of growing our consumption to our earnings we dump the excess somewhere we can't get at it. I think if most people did this they would be much happier with their finances.

Before you say "oh I have a family I can't cut expenses". Ask yourself, when was the last time you bought a new car, or a TV, or upgraded your computer? These are all things it is very easy to put off or find workarounds for if you don't have the cash on hand. You also will not miss them. When the lack of a new TV actually becomes a problem you will find the money to replace it. When your car actually dies you can find another that works well for 3k or so (I bought a 1991 Honda for $1400 in 2001 an drove it for 6 years), then I got a 2000 Ford for under 3k, it works fine.

I am always struck by how happy my friends are the month or two they have their car paid off. Then suddenly they get a new car and are even more happy for a week. Then the new car payments start coming and they are more stressed out than ever.

Meanwhile I buy a car that is 95% as functional and cost 1/10th as much with cash and don't think about it for another 6 or 7 years.

Foucault made this point, about ascetics

humanoid — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:42:56 GMT

Having grown up in the rigorously self-indulgent Sixties and Seventies, I was struck by Foucault's comment that religious hermits and ascetics, rather than necessarily spurning worldly pleasures, may have been trying to regain the spiritual intensity of sensual delights by deliberately restricting their access to them-- rather like the sexual conservatives who used to assert that they got their worlds rocked more completely, back in the old, repressed days, by a stolen kiss or glimpse of underwear than people today can possibly get with all the readily-available sex and nudity.

errr???? WTF?!

Callie1978 — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:47:47 GMT

I totally see the idea of not eating cupcakes all the time or drinking all the time or even buying new clothes or doing expensive things constantly.... makes you appreciate those things when you do have them instead of leading you to seek the bigger and the better.

BUT YOUR EYESIGHT?! WTF???

I understand, your contacts rock. I disagree as I love my stylish collection of high end eyeglasses . But you need to update your glasses. They are uncomfortable and I'm sure a 15 year old prescription is going to not be your current prescription. I am nearly legally blind sans glasses. But with a super compressed lense and high quality plastic frames I am just fine, perhaps contacts would be better but I'm nearly 20/20 now and comfortable.

Since no one can wear contacts 24/7 and there often arises a need to pop out the contacts and put on a pair of regular eyeglasses please go buy a new pair, with your current prescription. They need not be designer french frames but for goodness sakes get something moderately comfortable with an up to date prescription. Or for goodness sakes get the ones you're wearing now adjusted, they are digging in because they need adjustment. Comfortable eyeglasses are NOT a luxury.

Re: Deprivation: Yep, it works wonders

timezoned — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:39:44 GMT

Last year after some surgery I had to be on a liquid diet for months, starting from strictly liqiuds like consomee and gradually adding in more substance to the food until eventually arriving at solids months later (mmmmm, solids)

It was amazing. Excruciating also, but the degree to which I appreciated food once I couldn't have it, good god. I would walk down the streets (in one of the food capitals of the world, perhaps the food capital of the world) and just be amazed thinking "People can just...eat that! And that! And that!" and looked so forward to the day when I could also.

On the other hand the things I could eat became magical as well, I had no idea how good soup could be and how many kinds there were I relished everything I had, actually noticing it, is of course the point. It just amazed me how we take things for granted and don't even notice what we're eating, but all it took was to not be able to eat almost any of it for weeks, months, at stretch to turn the appreciation centers back on, big time. A year later and I'm still celebrating with everything I eat, and noticing it much more. The whole process of fasting suddenly makes sense to me, and when food becomes a non-issue again for me, I think I'm going to try it.

Don't use food?

Zarasophist — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 18:50:59 GMT

A reason for lack of energy may also be lack of sustenence. If you lack energy, you may be hungry and need to eat something. This is pretty common knowlegde; that's why humans eat, for energy.

Contrary to what the media might tell you, food consists of more than ice cream, fast food, and cookies. It is actually possible to eat fresh fruits and vegtables. You don't need to consult a personal trainer or dietician, you can just buy them at the store; it's called the produce section.

BA's top 10 tips for boosting your energy

baltimore aureole — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:13:46 GMT

10 - don't go to viriginia to campaign for the democratic candidate for governor. its a lost cause

9 - do impromptu aerobic exercises, like throwing things at your TV when you disagree with the viewpoints of talking heads (recommended - soft food items and empty soda cans only - no bottles)

8 - walk several miles at your local Costco, looking for the frozen pizza aisle

7 - attend a town hall meeting, and try to explain your viewpoints to your senator or representative - after all, they work for YOU, and should listen carefully and politely

6 - two words - "Red Bull". (3 more words: "Ketel One chaser" if you dont want THAT much energy)

5 - Watch Michael Moore's latest movie on how the US health care industry has made us fat, dumb and angry

4 - sleep late, and get up whenver you want, if your a "work from home" slate editor or contributor

3 - walk up the escalator at Macy's, rather than just standing still

2 - masturbate less

1 - periodically get up from your desk and take a break from posting Fray replies (memo to self - try this BA, you'll love it)

eyesight is happiness

dmowat — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 23:00:07 GMT

I recently got LASIK and discovered something even better than contact lenses! Every morning and every evening when I would normally be taking out or putting in contact lenses I get a great burst of happiness remembering that I can see just fine without them.

Taylor on Trying Hard

lwjkslate — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:21:05 GMT

I love this statement too, and Taylor IS a good actor. It's also so nice to see someone being intelligently positive about Twilight.

Trying to be happy makes you sad

tracker — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 04:39:09 GMT

and I have yet to find a passage in Aristotle suggesting we should try to maximize or optimize our happiness, which is what this project seems all about. There is the highest form of happiness, intellectual virtue, and a secondary kind of happiness, moral virtue. But The Philosopher never gives advice about how to get more and more happiness, as if it's a commodity. It is caused or constituted by reasoning well in a serious life, not necessarily involving others at each moment, but friendship is important for some portion of it.

Avoiding unhappiness is important, getting a bunch of happiness is not, and it's unseemly.

my condolences on your loss . ..

baltimore aureole — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:52:03 GMT

sincerely. all of them - the people dying of cancer in this story.

but maybe we aren't good at dealing with death because we've worked so hard to isolate ourselves from it. people go to hospices, so they won't be a burden on their next of kin. death is something you encounter in a phone call weeks or months later. ("he passed a little after 1am" we are told. "Did he die peacefully?" we ask. yes . . . they tell us, because we don't really want to hear anything else)

my uncle had lung cancer. he was 62. he'd led a hard life - chain smoker, too much alcohol, 3 wives, estranged from his kids. he was starting to turn his life around when he learned he had 6 months to live.

he drew it out to 18 months. he wanted to see his next grandchild born. nobody knows how he hung on that long. reconciled with his adult children. he was living with his brother when diagnosed. getting sicker and sicker. the option to put him in a hospice was discussed.

a miracle happened - the dying man's ex wife said she wanted to care for him. he needed the sort of round the clock care the brother (who worked full time, and had a disabled wife as well) was unable to provide. so she took a leave of absence from her job for those 3 months, and the brother paid her salary out of pocket to live with them and care for her dying ex husband.

if was gruesome. he was down to 70 pounds, and virtually unable to breath when he died. but not in total pain - he'd had oxycontin prescribed in large doses.

the ordeal was hard on the man's 3 nephews - sons of the brother who had rescued him from the streets when he was was homeless but not cancerous yet. A 13 year old, a 9 year old, and a 7 year old had to watch their favorite (only) uncle john waste away and die.

but i dont believe these 3 nephews (now late teens and young men) will ever allow a blood relative to die in a hospice surrounded by strangers who provide the kind of care that should come from family.

nobody who's cared for a relative right through death would ever mistake it for a good outcome. but being estranged from death is a worse outcome, possibly.

Me, me, me!

screwjack2008 — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:33:56 GMT

I'm all for happiness and whatnot, but the un-ending and shameless self promotion in these columns is really off-putting. The reader can never forget for an instant that these "articles" are really about promoting Gretchen so she can be happy (with your money). They are commercials disuised as self-help fluff. I feel nauseated after reading these. They actually reduce my happiness.

Flossing

artistjes — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:07:41 GMT

I could never floss "regularly," or very often at all. At the age of 60, the threat of a trip to the periodontist convinced me that I must (1) rinse every evening with Listerine, and (2) floss. Every night. And I've been doing that for a year-and-a-half. I'm an all or nothing person, I suppose. And my gums are now Very healthy.

"I'm Sorry, I've Forgotten Your Name"

Guylinder — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 22:22:26 GMT

It's what I say to people when I've forgotten their names and it's what I appreciate hearing from people who have forgotten my name, instead of hearing a bunch of lame remarks.