"What you need to worry about is whether or not you have some deep seated jealousy issues that led to your yammering mouth get the better of you. Did you consciously or subconsciously spill the beans in order to destroy her happy, perfect family?"

""In this case she suspects that Spilt spilled the secret to her “friend” to get back at her for having a happy marriage with her childhood sweetheart and for giving birth to a beautiful child.""

Oh my God, A-freaking-men. You said everything I would have said, only better. I, for one, would bet cash money jealous caused her to “accidentally” spill the “secret”. Her friend is even more upset about it than she thought she would be, so now she feels guilty. Plus, the caused issues between friend and friend’s hubby sort of blew up in her face on the “Use my friend’s relationship as a sledgehammer to make my BF marry me already” front… OOPSIE! Dump your BF and leave your friend alone. Get your shit together and grow up before you insert yourself into anyone else’s life. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.

I’m with you on the hugging thing, too. It’s not that big a deal. I’d suggest either what you suggested, or that the LW’s fiancé get over herself a little bit. If dad does something outwardly gross, okay, but maybe she is putting just a liiiiiiiiiiiiittle too much stock in how Totally And Completely Hot she is – the LW did mention it like, FOUR times… wtf. Some families are more demonstrative than others. If you love your fiancé, suck it up a bit. It’s okay. I did. I was taken aback at first by all the smooching from people I had ONLY JUST MET by my husband’s extended family. His mom and aunt have just strolled right on in the dressing room with me when shopping. Like, Hi, I’m in my underwear. Hi. My own mom hasn’t come in a dressing room with me since I was 12. Oookay… But they’re just like that and I love him and I love them, so. I just accept that being with him and being completely accepted with open arms as one of the family means letting people into my personal space a little more than I’m used to. Whatever. It won’t kill you. Really.

I think maybe I'm alone on letter 4, though. Sure, there's nothing wrong with the parents having a huge bash for their anniversary. Yes the LW is being kind of a baby, and also trying to make it about her mom being "tacky" rather than about her feelings being hurt. I don't see it so much as her wanting to be Queen of the Universe as... it is kind of rude to respond to someone's offer to throw you a party by saying "oooh, that gives me a great idea! I'll throw an even better party than what you just described!" Yeah, "thank you" is appropriate, actually. If the mom REEEEEEEEEEEALLY wants the big party, she could have been more sensitive to her daughter about it. Maybe she could have come up with something else the LW could do for her, if she wanted to take over the party planning.

Full disclosure: tupperwear just got married, and did not say jack crap to her MIL about the shower she threw, nor the post-wedding "kind of sort of a reception" for all the groom's side extended family and family friends who couldn't make it to tupperwear's hometown. Because MIL was excited and loves to plan parties, and now tupperwear is picturing MIL's reaction had she had LW4's mom's reply to the offer of a party.... "Wow, that's so cool you want to have a second reception here! I have a great idea, in my excitement I'll hijack it completely and cut you out of the process! wheeeeeee!" Uh, no.

People generally want to throw you parties because they love you and want to make you happy. It's not exactly nice to throw it back in their face. When you open a gift from someone, would you respond "oh, good, this cost $50, now I can return it and go buy that other $50 thing I wanted!" No, you say thank you. You can return it later, but you don't rub their face in it. WTF.