Just That:

I was the one who made a few comments re "settling" and remain fully convinced that once someone rings that bell, the relationship is over (again, out of respect for the OTHER party). And that was what I took from your letter.

My current view of your situation is very different. I now don't think that was your issue. I think you were merely talking about a certain quality that you deem important in a potential mate and were seeking help in figuring out whether it was "essential" or merely important (and thus capable of being satisfied outside of this relationship without threatening this relationship). Seems like there was a lot of support for both alternatives, as there should be since there is clearly no right or wrong on this ("opposites attract" - they do. sometimes. "shared interests and abilities are essential" - true. for some.).

Sounds like a pretty great dude and that you value him a great deal. I wonder what he'd think about all this discussion. Good luck.