Somebody explained it well to me once: it's dull when people talk about things they do. As in, routine, or a funny story from the other day, or what they have planned for the summer. Yes, it's good for a bit, and there will always be some of that, but you absolutely have to be able to reach a plane where that kind of thing is not the central focus of the conversation.

I feel like I can relate to sweetscholar, although not in the dating world. I know several friends/acquaintances around whom I censor myself for fear of sounding like I'm trying to be overly intellectual or superior. I just don't say things that I think would rub people the wrong way. The thing with looking for a mate is that you have to be able to say these things!

Now, the other person doesn't necessarily have to get all caught up in your scholarly train of thought, like the LW's partner may not. But s/he should be able to respond comfortably (instead of feeling inadequate). That's why I think that, if it hasn't been deal breaker yet, the LW is probably perfectly happy with Mr. (QP) R.