While I know that the search for a compatible person can be arduous, I can't help wondering if the way you are defining "scholarly" is hampering your search. I consider myself fortunate to have friends and co-workers who are intelligent and well-rounded (by my totally biased standards - some also by societal markers such as advanced degrees, career success, etc, and some not). I notice that one characteristic shared by the individuals I consider the most intellectually engaging is a tendency to be inclusive. They do not consider a conversation about television to be less of an opportunity for debate than a conversation about literature, recognizing that both are ways of storytelling. They do not draw strict boundaries around what is worthy of intellectual debate and what is not, having learned from history that one generation's pop culture is another's classical studies. And they recognize stories from personal experience as gateways to discover what other individuals are passionate and curious about, and how others see and interact with the world. Not to discount your experiences, which sound disappointing, but it seems to me that being intellectually curious includes wanting to learn about new topics, not just rehashing what you already know. You want to find someone to share your interests - what about her interests?