Y'know... alright. You were polite, I'll be polite. I'll even dip my toe for a moment in sincerity...

I disagree with you, but I admit there is a risk. My wife was thin when we married. (I was recovering from anorexia, but this isn't really about that.) As we climbed our job ladders, she hit a stretch where she was no longer thin. I didn't say anything, because by then I'd learned about Americans and the word "fat" (although she's the child of immigrants).

It put a strain on our marriage, though. Rather severe at times, as she got defensive even when I was doing my level best to not be offensive. A thin young stick of a girl came into my professional life and started showing an interest in me, and if I weren't one to keep my promises, that would have been it. I am one to keep promises, though, and one to try and tell the truth (which is not to say I am a saint -- I was pure in deed but certainly not in thought). So I sat down with my wife and we had the biggest goddamn fight we've ever had. But, unlike a lot of guys I know, I came to table willing to play fair.

The upshot was I took on additional work so we could pay the bills while my wife found a job that wasn't a total stress factory. We got gym memberships. The slender stick got fired for showing an interest in someone even less appropriate than my own self, and I consider that a lesson well learned.

My wife and I both wound up a lot healthier as a result. She was the one that took action, though. I told her what I wanted, but I didn't tell her what to do, and I didn't try to coerce anything from her. It's not fair to assume that just because I want something, she should jump to it. Oh, and I was patient with the process. Diet and exercise work faster than you think, but not as fast as you'd like.

That Weight Watchers thing you describe is so beyond the pale it belongs in a horror movie. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm even sorrier that it happened to her.

On the flip, if my wife hadn't been willing to take action, I think I would have been within my rights to divorce her and try and find myself a new skinny stick (preferably one who wasn't a skank). We got married on the understanding that we would work together for our mutual happiness. I didn't take on the extra hours so she could stay home, eat ice cream and call me an inconsiderate oaf. (Cheating, though, would be out of the question. You finish the job at hand before you start a new one, to my way of thinking.) I took on extra hours so she could reduce her stress level by changing careers... which she did. Fair is fair.

And it's not like it was all happily ever after. We're in a new stress factory era of our lives now. We've both put on a little extra padding. But we've talked about it, and we've put together our plan, and we're keeping our eyes peeled for the light at the end of the tunnel. When we get there, you can bet we'll both be back on the treadmill, cranking calories into sweat. In the meantime, I've taken over the cooking (the foods I learned to cook as a child are less fatty than the ones she learned as a child), and we try to get out for a walkabout a bit more often.

It's rough. But I don't think it's ever fair to take love for granted. I try to be worthy of being loved every day. I treasure her because she does too. I know a lot people think that's crass and ugly, but... screw them. It's our marriage.

And, if both parties aren't going to play fair and actually make honest deals, there's no basis for trust. If you got married 'cause hot damn did you need some tail, obviously there're going to be some issues when the damn goes cold. I can't say my way is the best way. It's just a way...

And it was an opportunity to needle the people in this fair country right in the ticklish bits.