Not only is CNN staffed by incompetent, banal, blithering lipflaps, they seem to be holding a competition to create the most ridiculous, insipid promo slogans ever conceived:

CNN - Essential for business

"You may THINK you know the middle east, but do you REALLY?"

"The untold stories"

"Be the first to know"

Each of the foregoing feature a number of qualities which make them offensive to reason, not least of which is that, on their face, they are simply NOT TRUE.

CNN is not essential for business. Business went along quite well long before Ted Turner invented 24/7 cable news. In fact, if a "businessman" is waiting to get his updated info from CNN before making his move, he's going to find himself well behind the curve.

Ah, Hala Gorani - the bobblehead doll of middle east coverage. "You may THINK you know the middle east, but do you REALLY?" Does anyone?

The Untold Stories. Well, if they're untold, how in the fuck did CNN get them? Clearly they are stories which have been told, and told again and again, until eventually CNN cranks out a clip about them some days after the story appears on FARK.COM. Unless, of course, it's a Britney Spears update, in which case CNN is on the scene, live. But that's not really an untold story, either, now is it?

Be the First to Know. After, of course, the victim, the actors, the witnesses, the reporter, the editor, the writers, the cameraman, the anchor, the director...
Sadly, "Be the 42nd to know," just doesn't have the same zing.

And, since you mention good ol' John Roberts....
You mean J.D. Roberts - MuchMusic's first ever star VJ. Of course, all those penetrating interviews with Carol Pope, Chilliwack and Platinum Blonde make for precisely the analtyical geo-political experience required to help viewers truly understand the complex news stories of the day.

Fox ain't Fair or Balanced, and CNN is a smarmy pile of ignoramouses.

Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tols for thee, Walter Cronkite.