While I've posted at length on this issue already, in conversation with fellow poster Spiker, I want to bring up once again an issue that I think is important in this discussion, as I read through the main blog posts on the topic.

Regardless of what parents and non-parents HOPE other parents will do - i.e., be involved, good parents who communicate openly with their children and teach them all the necessary emotional, mental and physical lessons the children will need to know - the reality is this: you cannot know how other parents are raising their children. You cannot legislate how well parents handle their responsibilities as parents. Parents of different cultures, different upbringings, different abilities, different health levels, etc etc etc may operate in very different ways and may believe very different things about "what a good parent is."

By making this birth control issue about the parents, bloggers seems to be forgetting that the birth control issue is actually about middle schoolers and teenagers - people who may or may not be engaging in sexual exploration. It has been shown (see Suchie's earlier post about this) that minors are less likely to seek medical care if they think the doctor will notify the parents. That makes a lot of sense to me. Does anyone here remember being a teenager? No matter how great your parents may have been, you probably still wanted to stake some claim on your independennce, which may have ranged from pushing breaking your curfew to breaking the law. I don't know. Teenagers express normative teenage impulses in myriad ways. And what is most common amongst all these differing behaviors is that they want to do it INDEPENDENT of their parents. Period.

With what we all have experienced or could research about teens and pre-teens, I'd think parents and non-parents alike would recognize the ways in which reassurances about the confidentiality of health care for minors would be a beneficial thing and would support (a) minors' rights as individuals; (b) healthy decisions! Your kid is interested in having sex (boy or girl), s/he is legitimately nervous about talking to her parent(s) about this, but s/he has heard or knows that birth control is available in various forms. S/he sighs with relief when s/he discovers s/he can confidentially talk with a doctor about his/her concerns, ask questions, and perhaps be provided with condoms and/or other forms of birth control (if the doctor advises it).

We're talking about kids who are trying to be responsible while making choices. I am always on the side of the law that protects individuals' rights. I believe minors should have rights - and so does federal and often state law. Now, parents/non-parents might not like the choices teens and pre-teens make. But please show me an era in which that has not been true. Meanwhile, teens and pre-teens are interested in sex. The more responsible ones are seeking out a doctor and birth control/contraceptive options. I give a little cheer for those kids. I have no idea what brings them to their decisions to engage in sex. But that part isn't my main concern. I hope that they are being wise and healthy, but ultimately, it's not my place to tell other people what to do with their lives. I'd rather like to know that they have the right to healthily protect their bodies while they explore sexuality.

This issue isn't about parents, in my opinion. While it can be an interesting discussion starter for how to look at parenting in America and how to raise awareness about parental guidance vis-a-vis sex and kids, the issue of birth control availability in middle schools is about the kids who are seeking out birth control. Not their parents. I understand how parents could feel snubbed and worried. But I believe these teens and pre-teens have rights and I believe that the more we can protect those rights, the more likely it is that the teens and pre-teens will start to make healthier choices for themselves. And even if they don't - at least they have that opportunity.

But if they think Mom and Dad will be told about their health care inquiries -- they may just keep their sexual behavior to themselves all together, not consult a doctor at all, and thereby risk pregnancy, STDs, etc. etc.

Parents, please stop getting hung up on the fact that other people's children can't be controlled by your beliefs about what parenting is supposed to mean. Recognize what is GOOD about this decision and what is good about the teens and pre-teens who seek out contraceptive health care. That's a responsible decision on their part. Don't let that get lost in the shuffle about "where is parenting going today?"