I'm trying to help you find tools you can provide your potential love interests so they can accommodate your fixated body distortions. Really, I'm just thinking of you.

Lo-carb, lo-fat stroganoff

1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon oil
13 ounces lean beef strips
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 onion, finely sliced
3 ounces mushrooms, sliced
1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon brandy
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme leaves
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons fat-free sour cream
1/4 bunch parsley leaves

Yield: 4 Servings

Directions:
Heat half the oil in a heavy nonstick skillet over medium high heat.

Saute beef strips quickly, in batches if necessary, until meat is well browned. Remove from pan and set aside.

Add remaining oil to skillet and saute garlic, onion and mushrooms 2-3 minutes or until onion is transparent. Add brandy, mustard and thyme and saute 2-3 minutes. Return meat to pan and cook through. Remove from heat and stir in sour cream.

Reheat if necessary, but do not boil. Season with salt and pepper to taste and garnish with parsley.

Nutrition information per serving:
Calories: 268
Fat: 14.8g
Cholesterol: 59mg
Protein: 22.4g
Carbohydrate: 8g
Fiber: 1g
Sodium: 143mg
Exchanges: 1/2 Vegetable, 3 Fat, 2 Very Lean Protein

Suggestion: try serving over these.

I'm telling you, this is valuable advice you're getting here. I mean, if you're unwilling to relax your unrealistic expectations, the only chance you have to avoid a long life of solitude and sexual frustration is to help some poor unwitting lucky nubile youthful, but appropriately aged person to be unbelievably adaptable.

You should thank me.