Ok, I've got no doubt you're sorry, but you're still not taking responsibility for your own actions. Half your post is dealing with how your Mom manipulated you. Another chunk is how your boyfriend determines where you live and helps you deal with your Mom. I think you want to be forgiven, because then you can stop feeling bad. You've written to Prudie looking for sympathy and affirmation. Now you're in the Fray making more excuses.

You still have your Mom in your life, and you apparently seek her approval, because you mention her reaction. If half what you say about her is true, you should cut her out of your life. If your fiance is 'helping you deal with her', and hasn't told you that, than he's part of the problem. I think you should reconsider getting married, as you don't sound mature enough. Do you have a degree? Gainful employment? A solid circle of friends? Stamps in your passport? How about your fiance- does he have any of those things? How are his family relationships? If he's a train-wreck, too, then you're making a mistake.

Once, I saw an open letter to Monica Lewinsky. I even managed to find it on Google: <link>

I think the advice is amazing. From what I hear, she seems to be following it. I think it also pertains to your situation, somewhat. As it speaks to reinvention, and how reputations can be be remade, given years of time and great effort, and- this one is key for you- change. Don't contact your Dad again, asking for forgiveness. Don't attempt to enlist family members or advice columnists. Your Dad may not want contact with you right now, but I'll bet a few bucks that he keeps up with your life through the grapevine. You're his kid. Go out and be the kind of person who is worthy of forgiveness, and I'll bet you hear from him, far down the road.

See, there are some things you can't just apologize and make better. I will say though, as a Mom of two- I can't imagine there is anything under the sun that my kids could do that I could stop loving them. Ask any parent about that feeling- its kind of a huge burden. Its something you should be mindful of as you consider what it means to be worthy of forgiveness.