SusanM:

... if he failed her when she was a child then he has a responsibility to work with her as an adult to get past that. ... Nobody deserved her dad abandoning her at 14, no matter what she did. ...

When I was 14, I severed ties with my dad. I was a messed-up teenager, living with my certifiably nutty mother and visiting my dad on weekends. ... After I stopped answering my dad's calls and threatened to report him to the cops as a stalker, he stopped trying to get in touch with me.

Where do you get abandonment out of calling and having the kid come for weekends? If a 12-year old can decide it's time to quit visiting with the bio family, surely a 14-year old who has reacted so violently against the father AND his wife and child should be entitled to some respect when she refuses to have anything more to do with him, without the father being cited for abandonment. She wasn't his only child; he had to consider the safety of his much smaller and more vulnerable son, too.