Sundown:

Davelias12:

Again, I really don't even see this as an issue. Does your SO need to go to every party you're invited to? If so, that sounds like a very dependent relationship. Remember, the lynchpin here is that it's a logistical issue, nothing more: it's not that she doesn't want to invite the SOs per se, it's that she doesn't have the room. That's the major point.

But this isn't "every party." It's a de-facto reunion and significant others are always invited to those sorts of things. And, since the LW makes it clear these friends aren't in regular touch any more, it will likely be the first time many of these people would be meeting the SOs and spouses.

The "logistical issue" is just a convenient excuse the LW is using. Who decides to hold a reunion at a place that can't accommodate everyone who logically should be invited? That's why there are restaurants and meeting places. Or she trims the list a bit and just invites her 5 closest friends and their partners.

If the LW does invite just the friends, I'll bet within 10 minutes someone with a bigger place will be volunteering to host or people will be suggesting restaurants.

I guess I just don't see it the same way. To me it's similar to a Girls/Guys Night Out. She wants to mingle with the people that she cares about and wants to see. Maybe she wants to have it at her apartment because it's more intimate and there are no time restrictions; it's cheaper, whatever, etc. When I go bowling for my birthday and I invite my friend from college I haven't seen in a while, does he automatically invite his wife/girlfriend? Would she want to come if she knew it was an intimate gathering of pals that hadn't seen each other in a while? Does calling it a "dinner party" change the rules of etiquette?

Again, in regards to the trimming: why should she be forced into not inviting people she wants to see in favor of others SOs? And what about when Todd finds out that he wasn't invited because she had to to invite Beth's boyfriend, Steve?: "Sorry, bro. There was just no room for you at the table and I had to make a value judgment." Maybe she knows some of the SOs and she doesn't care for them? I think we all know a couple of friend's SOs we're not too fond of. I don't think it's an etiquette faux pas to have a party that solely involves friends. And again, this seems like a one-off event; she's not consistently having no-SOs parties. I just don't see mature, reasonable people being offend by such a harmless request.