ROTFL, There's a distinction between give a kid options on things that aren't important, (upon which I agree with you) and not teaching children how to behave. Using a fork -- important. Reasonable tone of voice -- important. Not flinging food on other restaurant patrons -- important. (Oh, if only my husband's uncle would teach this to his son!) When I see a family like yours in a restaurant, I'm not thinking you should instill some discipline and yell at your kids. I'm thinking that if you won't teach your children to behave in public, don't bring them out in public.