A former teacher but not a parent here: It's important to distinguish between: 1. "things I want you to do because it's a good idea but consequences aren't severe" 2. "things I want you to do because it's a good idea and consequences are severe" Parents must overrule children on the second category issues. "You will go to daycare, you will be dressed to survive the weather, you will not beg for toys in the checkout line, you will do your homework, you will not drop out of school, you will not start smoking, you will not drink (to excess), you will not have (unprotected) sex, etc. (obviously, parents have different views on cat 2 issues, hence the parentheticals). As a general rule though, parents should let children decide on the first category issues. "Jacket, sweatshirt, or blanket?" "Malibu or astronaut barbie?" "Math or English homework first?" If you don't like your children's choices, you do have the option of stacking the deck and insuring you always give only the options that are acceptable to you. But frankly, the best teachers on most of these unimportant issues are the consequences themselves. Example: Want to go to first grade in Bob the Builder pjs? I don't think that's such a good idea, but if you really want to. . . (kid comes home) So all the kids laughed at you? Well, then what are you going to wear tomorrow? The lesson is learned so much better than a battle of the wills in the morning.