Okay, I'm back, and I'm glad the P-dawg has decided to go with this (temporarily, I assume) themed column. It makes it easy for those of us, like Moosemom, who always come up with a theme for disparate letters (although it takes away the feeling of making an unusual connection — though hey, I haven't read the posts yet, so maybe MM did anyway). And it means my personal guiding star for advice giving, which is "walk in truth, don't be unnecessarily mean if you can help it," is getting some tribute. It also means P-dawg is working on an idea. People, she is working on the very meaning of truth and honesty here. She is like Plato, drunk and alone in a salon, talking to himself about the cases of lying liars and the lies they tell as it pertains to the truth.

But I get a little tangential here. So sue me. I read "The Elegance of the Hedgehog" and loved it and think everyone should read it and now I want to think deeper thoughts, pursue more beautiful and truthful ideas and basically not rot my brain on the celeb dish websites I currently consume.

To the letters.

LW#1: Damn. That sucks. "Breaking the marriage vows." That is such a crappy way to frame what really happened, which was cheating on mom and not being careful to wrap it up every single time. (That, faithful readers, is also a phrase I seem to use fairly frequently and should probably include in my advice-giving philosophy. Wrap it up. Every. Single. Time.) Like what happened was sort of like that time you violated one of those commandments by calling your mom a bitch because she wouldn't let you go to your friend's party. You know, there was this religious thing that was transgressed against. Not like the transgression was against, oh, your mom. It was the marriage vow at risk, not, you know, your family's stability or anything.

So your dad, I don't have a lot of sympathy for him. But this teenager. Jesus. His mother, and I'm sorry, because maybe it was pregnancy hormones that made her do the "I'm telling the wife" thing and not a case of the self-delusions, but I'm going with delusions she probably pumped herself up with that your dad would leave your mom once the pregnancy was revealed. Or that he'd leave your mom. Or that something cataclysmic would happen and she would win out, after apparently having been a player in a drama no clear-eyed actor would expect to end well.

This poor kid. It's only right that your father accepts him and cares for him. And you know what? You don't have to. But he's the only innocent party in this fiasco and it would behoove you and your sister to reach out to him and work through your own pain.

As for your dad, let him know in no uncertain terms that he has created a rift within his own family. He was not who he let on to be, at least for a period of time in your youth, and you have to reconcile that. And it might take a lot of time, and he can't expect you to act like nothing is wrong, and he can't just "hoedee hoedee ho! I'm happy, why can't YOU be?" his way out of it.

At the same time, you can't worry about the grandparents and their level of involvement with the love child. That's on them. Detach from this. It might not be right that they didn't tell anyone about going on vacation with him, but they are in a very weird position, too. They probably didn't want anyone to get hurt. Odd how actions that are based on "I didn't want anyone to get upset" work out, huh?

I hate to say, but I have a little experience here. No love children or anything that severe, but it will get better. The scales, once fallen, never go back to where they were. But that's okay, too. Things will get better. The pain ebbs. The detachment from the intimate workings of the relationships of other people in your family is actually kind of a good thing, even if it is painful, since you have no control over their decisions.

Overall, from your letter, you sound like you already know all this stuff. So, keep up the good sanity, and keep your head as clear as possible.

LW#2: You lucked out like crazy. Look at it like that. Some of us lucked out when we didn't get busted for shoplifting lipgloss at Wal-Mart, you just came out $2,995 ahead with no record and a big, big lesson that has guided you since.

You're not a thief anymore. And that counts for something. (I'm not either, FWIW, I get my thrills in legal and socially-approved ways now.) In fact, you're a teacher, and you have a family, and you have the ability to think back on why you did what you did and pass on the critical-thinking skills and lessons you have learned. You don't need to confess to do right, but your spouse should probably know. And if it makes you feel better, you can tell a member of the clergy. If you can't forgive yourself, seek divine forgiveness.

But you are a very lucky person, and ruining your life over $3,000 when you have turned it around and have value in your family and community would be a crime, too.

LW#3: You know she was toxic to you and, by all indications, is still toxic, but to her children. This is basically all you need to know.

Honestly, she really needs to make her amends to her children before you. I don't mean that to be dismissive, just to say that if she ever finally gets her head out of her rear, she will find a way to make it right to her kids. Then, that can be your barometer for how much she "means it." In fact, you can say this to her (face, not email): "I know you think you mean this, but I am going to wait until you have gotten your act together for your kids, and have proven it to them, the people you owe the most to, before I accept any apology you may want to make to me. Right now, I can't do it. I will know you are a changed, healed person when you can carry on a real, decent and positive relationship with your children."

Realistically, she's never going to be Florence Henderson, so you can gauge what you mean by a "positive relationship" by your own barometer.

BTW, your parents? If they had the ability to tell you they knew what was going on with your sister, if they had the wherewithal to apologize to you, chances are she wouldn't be the person she is today. Acknowledging a problem, which they can't do, is half the battle.

LW#4: Drop the zero. And collect those phone bills, bank statements and emails before you do so you can make his wallet lighter, too.