Well, with this FMO, I leave you. For a short while. Hopefully just enough to be missed. I'm going on a little jaunt to Venus. Should be a blast. And my goodness, I think it is a little overdue, what with all the work I've been doing on the rocket ship.

LW#1: Your kids killed a hamster, and you didn't tell them. At first, I was like, "You should tell. Circle of life." And I still feel that way (about telling them the hamster is dead). But then, knowing that they are responsible might be too much for little kids. So I agree with you on that point, too.

But here's the thing. They need to know about animals' boundaries. Particularly those animals that are very very small and crushable and can't bite back when they're uncomfortable. They need to know to be more gentle.

Right now, the situation you have laid out makes your children sound like out-of-control monsters (we had hamsters in first and second grade and none of them died, and not because the teacher had to tell us not to squeeze them to hard, much less squish their skulls down). And it makes it sound like you not only let them off the hook, but made sure they didn't think their actions had anything to do with anything. And that just ain't quite right. There has to be a middle ground to protect them while also being honest with them. They need to know their effect on the world around them. That's part of the job of growing up.

Let me give you an anecdote. I had a budgie as a kid, a blue parakeet. I was about six or seven. I was doing the finger perch/ladder climb when all of the sudden it sneezed and died. My dad flipped out. "Bluebell is sick!" He said. I kinda knew better. After all, I read chapter books at that point, I was no dummy. He had to fess up that the bird was an ex-parakeet, but at the same time, I wasn't immediately responsible. Later, I realized that my heat miser parents and our drafty house probably killed that poor bird. We were bad bird owners, what can I say.

Anyway, what I mean to say is that your kids probably don't buy your story, and you'll probably have to tell them they were way way way too rough with the hamster and the two will at some point connect. By the time they are 12 or so they may be ready for a discussion of what really happened to Mr. Neebles (and perhaps a new pet, but conversation about hamster fate must precede new pet). But in the meantime, they still need to know gentleness, compassion and the reality of death. As a parent, that is a hard, but creative and important, part of your job.

LW#2: Dudette, I don't make life decisions for other people. The heart wants what it wants, right? But you might want to consider why you are attracted to him and how that might last if he keeps going all Peter Pan on you. Especially if you two want kids.

You may also want to consider that if he's totally shallow as he sounds, might he dump his starter wife for some perfume counter hussy, leaving you out in the cold and in worse straits at 45 than you imagined?

You may also want to game theory out his apparent addictions (m.j., drinking and television) and their effect on his employability/earning potential should he continue to get DWIs/not confine his pot smoking to daily tokes while watching Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network. Also on his human potential. Also on his ability to be a father, if you two are thinking kids.

In short, it sounds like this guy can be fun, but he's not grown up, and he's not trying to be. And the consquences may not all be big money in the future so you can have your fun but low-paying job and comfy living arrangements.

FWIW, I have always had quite low-paying jobs, but have managed to live on my own and save for retirement. Sure, it meant studio apts for a lot of it, and refraining from lots of eating out and new stuff, but if you are on your own and healthy, it is possible to be financially independent. And it feels good, too.

LW#3: Are you sure there isn't some Dilbert-principle-esque job you can promote them to? Seriously, they need to know what is going on, and that you're watching them, as their boss. And they should at least act like they know. If you let them act like this you'll get no respect from anyone else and they could sink your own career. And you're only 25, you don't need that.

Another tip: Get friends outside of work. Seriously. One of them is already bitter at you, this will not end attractively.

LW#4: People are out of control with their assumptions, aren't they? Prudie's advice is pretty good. Take it. But know that people's assumptions, no matter what you are doing in the future, will still be there. Consider moving when you get out of college to a more enlightened place, where women can be free to collect grocery carts in peace.