LW#1: Is this for real?

Seriously, what kind of funeral director goes ahead and schedules a funeral for someone who is still alive? If this is for realsies and not a fake letter, contact your local newspaper so they can write a funny/horrifying news item about this. Also, they can shame your texting gay widow-to-be a little in the bargain.

But I'm going with faker than a three dollar bill, thank you very much.

LW#2: This is a real problem. And as certain denizens of this DP board often say, real problem are not for mockers. They are for therapists and other experts.

I'm not sure why Prudie is calling for "justice" here. Perhaps the statute of limitations has run out. Perhaps her definition of justice — in a legal setting — is not your definition of justice. Perhaps her definition of healing isn't like yours.

But still, how can your mother stand to be in the same room as the man who molested her daughter? And visit for weeks at a time?

Frankly, your grandfather's blanket absolution has not done a couple of things you need. You still worry that he will strike again (maybe he already has, with children you don't know about), and you shouldn't. You still have a family that pretends to function as always in spite of this enormous elephant in the room every time he comes to visit. You and your mother and siblings are keeping secrets from your father, and that's not healthy either.

Basically, you are still living with shame and lies, even though you were a victim, and a helpless one at that. And that is a situation that is untenable.

You and your mother will probably have to explain to your father why you don't want your child exposed to your grandfather. How you do that is a plan of action for you, your family and some sort of expert/team of experts.

Forget Prudie's legalistic definition of justice, and start creating one for yourself. You've already started by deciding that your child will never suffer what you went through. At the very least, that definition should include that you never, ever, have to feel uncomfortable or ashamed or that you have to lie in your own family.

LW#3: You made a mean tweet and you're saying a bunch of 40-y-o women are acting like five year olds?

Here is something every five year old learns in kindergarten: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

That goes 100x on public social networking sites, where you aren't just telling one person but an echo chamber.

Exceptions: You may tweet meanly about celebutards, politicians and corporations. Private people do not put themselves up for public humiliation, but these aliens called "Spencer and Heidi" do. In fact, one gets the notion that some celebutards like being tweeted about no matter the context, so long as they are being paid attention to.

LW#4: Okay, the only reason she's all over your sister's kids is because they are there, and they are her grandkids.

If you were near her, she would do the same for you. In fact, she did when you were having your kids.

In the meantime, instead of being resentful, you can either talk with your husband about moving to be closer to your family or you can recognize that your mother is more than just a convenience — she's a human being who doesn't deserve to be thought of as the best babysitter and housekeeper ever. By you OR your sister.

Seriously, by the tone of your letter, I couldn't tell if you missed your mom or just her ability to pick stuff up and babysit at the drop of a hat. Work on that, and your jealousy issues.

Look, if you want her to stop talking about the things she does every day, stop talking to her every day, or tell her to please stop giving you detailed descriptions of her daily labors in service to her other daughter.