Actually the first sentence was: "Here's what would piss me off: If my neighbors..." The header begins a sentence that continues in the post. I admit it isn't a strictly grammatical sentence, but I never intended it to be, and I assumed that most readers would follow what I was trying to do. Audience analysis fail on my part, clearly. (Yes, I know that's not a sentence, either.)

Anyway, in my neighborhood it would be supremely stupid to stand on someone's front porch in the daytime and try to jimmy the door. I work at home; I would notice. The cello teacher across the way would notice. The contractor across the street who is in and out of his shed all day would notice, especially as burglars tried to break into the back door of his house on night last month, and he thinks they tried other houses as well. The retired guy next door who sits on his porch or works on his lawn would notice. Any of the above would either intervene or call the cops. The one in five burglaries that happen through the front door during daylight don't happen here in Iowa City with much frequency, at least not in my part of town, where the academics (like, for example, Professor Gates) live.

Trust me, I'm over-educated. I don't need any more.