IncogNeato:

SusanM:

As somebody that had a cheating spouse, I have to say that I just really don't get that. Sex is just sex! Inserting a penis into a vagina isn't that big of a deal. The only reasons that cheating is a big deal is because of the accompanying emotions and that means the cheater's as well as the cheatee's. Of course her feelings matter, this is her marriage. If she cannot get her feelings heard and addressed then he is a bad husband - no matter what her vagina did.

I think that is a very female view of it, not that all women would agree or that no men would. However, I think men typically have a different outlook on why cheating is wrong. I'm not sure what a typical male perspective might be, other than the good ol' boys around here with the "if I can't have it, no one can" attitude. However, I'm pretty sure that for many men at least, this is not it.

Any men care to elaborate?

We kind of already did. I'm thinking it stems from the fact that you can't thread a keyhole with a wet noodle, guys are into it with both brain and body or it's not gonna happen. (Yes there are other ways for a guy to have sex than with his thang but most guys aren't going to just give service and not get unless it's for their main squeeze, why have an affair if you're not getting something out of it.) Women can have sex in a more neutral, dispassionate, physical way, but a light switch is either on or off, there's no in between. I'm guessing this colors our respective views of affairs. Guys who are monogamous are not going to look at a wife's affair as something just physical, they'll look at it as if her mind also is somewhere else, and if you're wired monogamously you're not going to like that, you're going to be jealous. (And I happen to think they're almost always right, lust IS emotion, and where there's smoke there's usually fire.)

As for whether I'm a good old boy, I don't feel like I own you ... if you're going to have that sexual connection with other guys then I won't stop you. But then you won't come home and have it with me too, that's all.

I hope this doesn't misunderstand your question.