Royal's new ads are perfectly suited for the recession is an excellent article, but I thought I'd add my two cents for the uninitiated.

1. It makes absolutely no sense to pay premium prices for liquor if you're going to use them for cocktails. Cocktails were invented to mask the flavor of booze, which many if not most folks dislike. Mix cheap. You may impress some of your friends with your expensive booze in mixed drinks, but those who know the truth will think you're an idiot (unless you are all so rich you don't give a shit).

2. Despite all the myths, and there are a lot, the fastest and surest way to get drunk is to drink straight alcohol without mix (cokes, lemonade, etc.)

3. After one or two drinks of straight booze, the taste buds are fried. One can't distinguish premium from lower rung liquors after that, so bartenders in less reputable places will switch the labels on you and keep charging full pop.

4. You get drunk faster on 80 proof than 100 proof. You'll get drunker on 100 proof, but it takes longer. The human body only allows only so much poison in at a time. That's why the Zombie used to be so highly touted, because it contains several rums from 80 to 110 proof. You get drunk fast and stay drunk longer.

5. Vodkas are really pretty much all the same, it's just booze made from spuds. An exception is Stolichnaya, which should be kept in the freezer for shots. Don't waste Stoli in mixed drinks.

6. Cheap gin is fine for mixed drinks. Gin was invented as a cheap drunk for poor working bastards during the Industrial Revolution. Some gins are suitable for sipping or exceptional martinis, but not many.

7. Most premium liquors, especially single malt scotches, are an acquired taste. Don't waste money if you can't appreciate it.