is that you don't have to do it all the time. I had the displeasure of working as a substitute teacher in one of the worst high schools in NYC-metal detectors, cops roaming the halls, all the same gangs that are in the prisons, etc. I was told repeatedly: you have to lay down the law at first, let them know who's boss and then if you feel like being nice you can be nice. I did and it worked. It works the same way with parenting. You let the kids know that you may hit them and you can always hold that over their heads. My father almost never hit us. He didn't have to. He could just look at us and we'd straighten up. A friend of mine recently had a kid and I've never seen a child so utterly spoiled at such a young age. the kid's not even three and she virtually runs the house. They're always trying to please her. Of course the proper dynamic would have the child trying to please the parent. I don't know if them hitting her at this point would help and i think intelligent people may be able to set up a good and healthy dynamic without hitting but lets face it ... some kids are truly difficult. Giving them a time out ain't gonna cut it. When I see how my yuppy friends have spoiled their kid it makes me think that the old way (prompt punishment for misbehavior, children seen and not heard etc.) was much better.