I am so sorry that you have had such negative experiences with Christians and with faith in general. I only hope you can one day see the relationship aspect of faith, not the trappings. You are cerntainly not "the enemy." You are searching, just as the rest of us. I hope you can get past the messengers, fallen all, and see only Christ. Then you will understand true hope, peace, and love. You may want to read Romans, I know it has had a huge impact on my life.