Regfife, your answers are flat-out insane. (physicsgirl, please let me know when/where you'll be cloning yourself..)

1) " When you marry someone, it's with the presumption that you will only be intimate with them " and " having an exclusive relationship "

This guy wasn't cheating. He is, in fact, only having sex with her. Intimate - with porn? Are you seriously this delusional?

All of the caveats apply equally to the wife - it is marriage, you know. If you're going to attack the guy for not having sex with her, you are also saying the wife is being a bad partner for not performing wifely duties the night of pregnancy. He should be understanding of her? OK, I'll buy that - only if she's understanding of him.

This entire issue gets back to a basic lack of understanding of men and how they operate. If the wife isn't actively seeking him out to hump 10 times a week, she's not being understanding of him.. regardless of her emotional state. For guys, the urge is a spinal reflex action.. for women, it's all emotional/situational. Personally, I'm fairly certain I could have a satisfying encounter with porn while on fire. I don't demand it of the wife - assuming she simply doesn't ask questions of where I go or how I satisfy myself when she's not available/in the mood. This isn't something to "talk about" (because that's simply the wife trying to beat down / control the man) - rather, this is something the wife SHOULD EXPECT in any situation.

Here's the kicker: If she doesn't expect porn, she's not being understanding. This isn't a subject for communication, this is a subject for the wife to NOT communicate - rather, to simply deal with herself, because the problem is 100% with her.

2) " on a continually increasing basis " - " and encourages "

Porn doesn't encourage anything. Porn doesn't "increase" urges. Although it makes for a nice strawman argument, you haven't shown anything. The person who has an addictive personality (late to work b/c of porn, spending too much money, etc) will, when the porn outlet is shut down, go demonstrate the same behaviors on something else.. drugs, strippers, etc. Porn isn't the problem, the addicted person is the problem.

If the guy isn't addicted.. remember, the definition of addiction is simply "can't stop in the face of consequences".. then it's not a problem.

3) "With the understanding that sexual intimacy"

This is solipsistic nonsense. It works both ways, despite your best efforts to twist words and state a one-sided definition as the "standard." You as a person simply will never be able to define what is intimate FOR HIM. You can have all the conversation you want, but men will never deviate from their biological needs.

For example, my need is 3 times a day. This won't change no matter how much "communication" happens. If you're not into it that much, the outlet is porn.. otherwise you are simply not being understanding of me. However, I'm understanding of the fact that even if you go that much for a week, very soon you'll start resenting ("why is he pawing at me so much?") instead of being understanding.. so the path of least resistance is to have some private time during the day.

In summary, however, the porn isn't the issue. The better question is.. why are you so intrusive and controlling that you feel self-justified in knowing what's happening during your partner's personal time?