Men don't need to light candles and get "in the mood" to take care of business. There isn't emotion - there's biology, and that's it. You paranoid women need to stop projecting. Men are entirely separate people who process information much differently than you. We take the time to figure you out - it's time you bothered to do the same for us.

1) "her husband's porn probably felt like a rejection."

Why? This is not a conclusion of any train of thought.. this is merely invented, as if simply by saying it you "prove" anything. Your projection is not his problem. We do not think the same as you - get over it. Your need to control is intrusive and demanding.

2) "some women feel it's exploitive"

So what? He's not dating them. He's not cheating. Once again, deal with the facts, not your invented silliness. Guys don't need or want to think of porn actresses as people.. we don't have the time to care. The guy in question is busy taking care of a baby - you know, the thing his wife wants. And she feels gratuitously self-justified in having a feeling about her husband's personal time? That's blatantly arrogant and intrusive.

3) "most of the guys I know who think porn is great would totally freak out if "

Project much? This is called tangential thinking. You simply don't WANT him to watch porn, so you're trying to throw anything and everything at him - regardless of its actual effectiveness in building your case. How, exactly, does the discussion of a second guy's wishes for those in his family relate to this man's porn habit? Good luck with that.

People I know are not in those magazines - because their lives aren't chaotic enough for them to think it's a good idea. Watching porn, however - that IS a good idea.