And I don't know too many men who would be happy to find their wife down in the basement jilling off with secret porn.

Seems everybody thinks your wrong. I also think that the men you know are lying to you. I would.

Guys, if it's OK and normal and all that for you to watch it, why isn't it OK for your SO, mom, daughter, etc., to be in it?

Because pornographic images of family members are not OK. Consider: men want to look at people they find sexually desirable. If they find their mothers or daughters or sisters sexually desirable, is this not creepy and wrong?

BTW, seeing my lawyer or grocer in porn would be hot.

she's probably feeling unattractive at the least, and then her husband's checking out porn probably felt like a rejection.

Yes, but no. She has a right to expect his aid and comfort while their dealing with the newborn. She does not, however, have the right to bar her husband from sexual satisfaction because he's feeling unpretty. It's unrealistic, and it's selfish.