Jessica, I don't write here very often but wanted to respond go your post. Everyone else has said everything I could think of regarding the psychiatric/alcoholism situation. I want to applaud you, too, for pulling off what you have; you're an amazing woman!

I wanted to suggest that you join a support group for parents of a child with difficulties like your little boy has. I'd really highly recommend the Parent2Parent Forum -- it is for parents of kids with significant disabilities and VERY supportive. I noticed some of the non-posting partners are either away at war or absent, so they might have good advice for you... I'm a newbie (disabled adult with same issues as some of the kids) there under another username, but I'll mention in my intro post that I directed someone "from Slate" there, and will keep an eye out for your intro post in case you do join.

There's also an excellent book & forum for people with a depressed partner that might help, called Depression Fallout by Anne Sheffield. I was in a relationship that changed like yours several years ago, and the book/group both helped me handle the abominably dragged-out disaster, since it took a very long time for me to figure out what the right thing to do was. I basically had the same thoughts -- didn't want him to destroy my life, but also felt it was morally wrong to 'turn my back' on someone in need plus I still cared a lot about him.

I hope this helps and that things improve -- give yourself & your boys hugs for me...