That was a good idea about recording the daughter's voice for her father. Most nursing homes aren't that creative, though.

I feel pretty secure with the home my mother is in as far as any sort of abuse. What drives me nuts with them is how they are constantly losing her clothes or putting someone else's in her closet. Her first roommate was a very large woman. My mother is very small. I couldn't imagine why they couldn't see that other woman's clothes would swallow my mom. I think that is more being lazy than anything else. The roommate's closet was always in total disarray. It was easier for them to try to get things in my mother's closet.

We marked her clothes like we were told to but they still screw up. We have given up on marking her socks. There are never any socks in her drawer when I go. My aunts and I have brought pair after pair but she is always wearing footies the nursing home provides.

My mother's dementia comes and goes. She gets a little mixed up sometimes like calling me by her sister's name, but then when I correct her she will say "oh yeah, I know that." Sometimes she is perfectly clear on everything, but then she will go off on some tangent. The one I hate the worst is when she asks where my father is. He has been dead since 1999, but I don't think she will ever accept it.

Then she starts talking about babies. Sometimes I am the one with the baby (my youngest child is 18) and other times one of my nieces has the baby or babies. One niece has no children at all. It is frustrating when she says things that make no sense. So far she does seem to recognize everyone even if she does mix up our names sometimes.

It is very depressing to go out there and I know I don't go as much as I should. The other residents can add to the depression and aggravation. One woman constantly cries out for help to anyone passing by. The first roommate tried to monopolize my time, making it hard for me to even talk to my mother. When she started stealing snacks out of my mom's drawer and taking her own unwanted food and putting in my mom's drawer's and laundry hamper, I had her moved to another room.

I consider myself fortunate that the staff all seem to love my mother. She is not a complainer and even if she says things that make no sense she is always pleasant.

My sons have been exactly once. When the oldest went with me the roommate was trying to get me to help her button up a pajama top that was obviously too small. Out popped a huge boob. For the rest of the visit he stood in the doorway with his back to us.

I have suggested to both of them about visiting but I am not going to press the issue. The younger one already had his share of nursing homes with his paternal grandmother. My ex quit trying to make him go when it got to the point she didn't know who he was. And there was also a woman in that home that was always trying to get my son to bring her a blanket or something. He tried to sneak by her room but she always saw him.

I would say cut the girl some slack. If the parents are going and they feel sure the grandmother is being taken care of, I wouldn't try to guilt the granddaughter into going. Maybe she will go on some occasion such as Christmas or Mother's Day. My youngest son did at least send my mother a Mother's Day card. I had to read it to her but she knew who it was from.

I never visited my grandmother when she was in the nursing home. I wasn't particularly close to her and by that time she sometimes wouldn't recognize my father so I doubted she would have known me. Had my father asked me to go with him, I probably would have a time or two, but he never did. And no Prudie, I don't feel guilty about it.