When my grandfather was in hospice there were a couple of family members that just “couldn’t” see him that way (he was very athletic, independent, etc). Unlike other posters (from what I have read), we were ok with that. One cousin went to the facility a few times but burst into tears at the doorway every time (didn’t go into the room). She certainly tried and none of us ever questioned her love for him.

If the LW’s grandmother has Alzheimer’s (and I don’t know that), there are stages that people go through. I had to stop visiting one of my Aunts bcs she insisted that “smoke” is a little girl not a grown woman. She would get so upset and agitated that I was asked not to visit. Maybe I am too pragmatic but although I was sad I understood and didn’t visit anymore. Alzheimer’s patients also often go through a phase when all social graces disappear and you will hear what they REALLY think. My grandmother did irreparable harm to 2 relationships when she went through that phase.