I'm not that kind of writer. I write extremely dry tracts on political science for a small public policy think-tank. I used to do kinetic sculptures in college, but now do report layouts and the occasional political cartoon. Apart from the cartoons, it's not that interesting. I've learned to avoid talking about my work around my friends to avoid putting them to sleep. But I'm not wonky or confident enough to hold my own against people who get a kick out of provoking confrontational political arguments.

I guess you're right. The way I act doesn't change my identity. It's just years of being labelled the Crazy Chick that made me think that way. How much effort should I spend trying to get a handle on my eccentricities - the odd expressions, the erratic gestures, the involuntarily sarcastic voice? My boyfriend thinks that my eccentricities can put people off when they meet me, even though he personally likes them. He thinks that if I worked to become more aware and in control of my own behavior, the confidence would naturally follow.

I feel like he's got it backwards, and I should work on my social anxiety first and let the eccentricities take care of themselves. But he says he doesn't know how to teach me to become more confident, he can only teach me what he does. And what he does is this: He used to be the fat kid with the facial tic who put a lot of effort into learning to act taller, better looking, and smarter than he really was. He grew up speaking mostly French but taught himself an American accent from television that's so perfect that he sounds uncannily like the voice that announces commercial breaks. He deliberately employs his body language to make people feel at ease. Making Friends and Influencing People is one of his primary skills.

But I don't know if that's the right approach for me.