I've met my boyfriend's dad once before and he is a very proper, meticulous little man. While I didn't exactly click with him, he was quite nice. He told my boyfriend to give his mom some time. Since we've been dating for over five years, I don't know how much time this would entail. Perhaps she might make an effort to get over herself if we got married.

I don't think it would be a good idea to call her myself. When my boyfriend asked her over the phone if he could bring me to dinner, she kind of flipped out on him, sputtering "WHAT? Why?!!! No!" She might have an aneurism if I called her myself, that is if I don't have a panic attack first.

It's just very bizarre. And yeah... my boyfriend's elder brother got an anxiety disorder from her locking him in the basement as punishment when he was a toddler. *shudder* I probably should be grateful that she doesn't want to interact with me, it saves me looking for a rock to hide under.

But it's not just her that has me concerned about my social awkwardness. I've been wondering what I should do about it for years. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. I was the Kid Who Didn't Talk in kindergarten. I made only three friends in college, and sometimes went weeks without having a real conversation with anybody. I avoided parties like the plague because if anything freaks me out more than stuffy old businessmen it's drunken frat boys and preening sorority girls. I still hate bars and clubs. And even after I do get to know people, I'm still pretty weird. I was bullied for it in school, which only made me determined to stay that way. My pride got wrapped up in my unconventionality, and it's only later that I realized that it might hold me back in life.

My boyfriend says that everyone has multiple versions of themselves, some of them designed for public consumption. I don't. I've only got one me that I'm aware of, and I feel a lot of resistance to the idea of inventing an artificial "normal" persona because my real self is too embarrassing to be seen in public. That's what I meant when I said I'd feel like a sell-out to change. Might be time to let go of that. High school was a decade ago.