IncogNeato:

As I See It:

Yes, the mother went through a difficult emotional experience, but she was an adult and a mother and should have looked out for her child's well-being a little more. ... Mother, on the other hand, chose not to nurture then and is STILL choosing not to nurture, failing in her role as parent to this very day. Understandably, it's not a pleasant subject for the mother, but a more humane response would have been, "I can't bring myself to discuss such a painful subject..." not an accusatory "get over it, I have." This mother is continuing to withhold nurturing rather than admit the transgression and THIS is at the core of the adult-childs bitterness "she's still not concerned about me." This long-term parental lack of concern has caused deep insecurity in the child the parent is responsible for molding into a secure adult.

I'm so glad that you, in your omnipotence, can look back to the 1980's, and determine this mother's feelings and motives, and so easily peg her as a life-long child-abuser. Perhaps there is still time to get the youngest children away from her.

Prudie! Contact the authorities and report this mother!

I'm also very pleased that you have been able to live your life with you halo and wings entirely unspotted. Obviously, you either have never committed a lapse of judgement in your life, or you knew the repercussions every individual involved would feel in future years, and knew the perfect way to correct your error. Please, feel free to give the rest of us lessons in how to be as perfect and all-knowing as you.

It doesn't take omnipotence to spot the mother's lack of guidance to her child in this situation she maliciously (toward her husband) involved the child in. That was no slip; it was petty. Had she then apologized to the LW and helped the wounded child to deal with the consequences of her action I would have respect for her and compassion for her petty act in the heat of anger. What I find unconscionable is continuing to use a shaming tactic like "get over it, I have" to avoid--still--taking responsibility for her actions. There is no crystal ball involved here in reading the mother's actions and the consequences. Is she human? Yes. Has she shown frailty? Yes. Has she tried very hard to make amends in this matter? No--neither in the past nor in the present. Ergo my lack of empathy toward her. She might be a great bridge partner and fascinating conversationalist, but she's not someone I would make a guardian to a minor child.