Hey, Prudie,

Regarding your current crop of phony submissions and scripted responses:

Please refrain from using words and phrases like “partner”; “cuddling needs”; “intensely”; “entwined”; “beloved member”; “cringe”; “wrath”; and “rebuffed”...as everyone else in the Free World, (besides you) doesn’t ever, ever use those terms while allegedly pouring their hearts out.

No one ever says: "Partner".

They say: Husband, Wife, Boyfriend, or Girlfriend. Across the fucking board.

And no one EVER, EVER, EVER says: "Cuddling Needs". (I’m still puking on that one, by the way).

They say: I want Him or Her to hold me.

Just hold me.

Cuddling needs? You seriously hurt my head with that crap. And, after 8 years of GW, that’s really doing something.

Anyway, continued success in your fiction-writing career with Slate. But do try to appropriate other voices besides yours into the alleged exchanges, or you’ll always be what you are now.

Please don't cringe with intense wrath as a beloved member of the Fray entwines his rebuffs with his cuddling needs.

I'm still puking.

GOW