Best line in that story:

...The Diocese is dispatching a nun to UCF's campus to oversee the next mass, protect the Eucharist...

She'll whack 'em with rulers and tell them The Communists are gonna kill 'em and dispose of their bodies by stuffing them into meat grinders* if they mess with her mass.

*Actual nun threat given to my dad in Catholic grade school in the 1950s.