I mean, what percentage of the human body surface does a flag symbol cover? I'm sure it's way less than 1%. That's not even close to a quorum.

A true American patriot would need to have the majority--nay, a supermajority!--of his body surface covered in patriotic symbols. Flag pants and a shirt with the score of the Star-Spangled Banner printed on it ought to be about right, especially if you also include the apple pie tie, jacket silk-screened with purple mountains, and a red-white-and-blue baseball hat. Now that's patriotic attire!

Anything less indicates the utter lack of sartorial commitment to the nation. Probably a bunch of commies.

Greg Shenaut