solutions
by Isonomist
06/26/2008, 12:43 PM

Dear DPers,

Iso dreamed last night that this week's Dear Prudie was MUCH FUNNIER. Too bad I can't remember it, but the important thing is, if you're dreaming about Dear Prudence, you're probably spending way, way too much time on the Fray. On the plus side, the sturm und drang here this week has opened my lil eyes up to some deep truths about my own stage in life: no matter how terrible it is, what I'm going through, it's only what I'm going through, and what's really important (are you still with me here?) is that the people who need me, are the ones who are still here. I just don't have the luxury of sitting around feeling miserable, when Jesse's brother has a clingy girlfriend to dump. And Mr. Nomist has a new client to hate on over a nice dinner. And my sister's on the outs with my niece and our brother; and my mom is convinced my niece-in-law has OCD. And we have a nice new week worth of Isolutions.

Dear Prudie,
How do I tell my five year old that my mom was a slut?
signed,
Shameful Product

Dear Daughter of PartyTown
Lighten up. Take the kid to see Mamma Mia. It was an innocent question, not an indictment. What would you tell him if your dad had passed on? "Not everyone has a daddy, but Granpa Jon is like my dad, isn't he." Make the conversation about what a great guy Grandpa is, and leave it at that.
signed,
Iso te absolvo, et mamma tuo.

Dear Prudie,
I am bored, and think of myself as witty. So I made up this stupid story about an unlikely malapropism.
signed,
Not bright enough to realize almost no one uses the term "duplicative" in spoken English.

Dear Insecure About IQ,
The normal way to correct someone's misuse of a word is to reuse the term in a sentence, correctly, during the conversation. That's how people do it to me when I fuck up. They sure don't waste electrons writing to Prudie.
signed,
Iso bet you'll be reassigned soon anyway, if you have this much time on your hands

Dear Prudie,
I want to control how my wonderful friends act.
signed,
Every Minute!

Dear Nagaholic,
They're probably getting texts from their other friends, asking if you've left yet. Maybe you should.

My friends text when we're doing stuff as a group, too. You know why it doesn't bother me? Because we're all doing it. Me, it's usually my son, stepdaughter or husband, or another friend who wants to join us. Them? Similar things. What's the big deal? Get a cell phone and join the human race. Or make a new set of friends, but don't try to tell everyone else in your group what to do.
signed,
Iso go with the flow or don't show

Dear Prudie,

Those big things keep staring down at the floor so dejectedly.
signed,
A bust is a terrible thing to waist

Dear Waist Not,

As a fellow 50 year old, I understand how those love bags can get out of hand. I'm still happy with underwires and a little help from the wonderbra, but there are some hot summer days when that's just, well, too much. So I'll let yall in on my secret: it's called the hidden shelf. You can get them in any price range, from designer rack wranglers, to knocker-sack knockoffs. Granted, if your friend is a size bazoonga, I can't help you. Perhaps one of these?
signed,
Iso love my little friends so much more now