(1) No sleeping past 10:00

I'm usually up at 6:30 with the wife and that goddamn screeching alarm clock.

(2) Shave at least every other day

I do. Religiously. Every other day.

(3) out of the pajamas by noon

I sleep in shorts and t-shirt, which I replace when sweaty and smelly. Does that count?

(4) no drinking before noon.

I'm still on swing-shift time, so noon is sometimes happy hour. Does that absolve me?