After years of debate, California has finally legalized gay marriage.
While I have no problem with that per se, I do wonder why. Not why we’d
make it legal, but why would gays even want to get married? Haven’t
they seen the misery that married straight people go through? Don’t
they realize that 50 percent of all marriages end up in divorce? Don’t
they realize that marriage simply marks the end of sex and the
beginning of love handles, loss of self and identity, depression and
death? It’s a fact that 100 percent of people who are married die!
That’s a staggering statistic.
Frankly, I’m concerned about the ramifications that gay marriage
would cause. Thus far, gays on TV, movies and in West Hollywood have
been a happy, quirky and fashionable lot. With their quick wit and
stylish fashion sense they make the world a better place. Who doesn’t
want a gay friend to go shopping with or to give them advice on which
moisturizer to use to get rid of those little eye wrinkles? Damn you
sun! Now, I know I’m being selfish here, but I’m just worried about
what will happen to the gay community once they are introduced to an
evil and destructive institution like marriage. Will they become angry
and bitter? Will they lose their zeal and color matching ability? Will
their “fabulousness” just disappear? Will they become mindless androids
like their straight and married counterparts? That’s not a risk I’m
willing to take.
Marriage – What is it good for? Absolutely Nothing
Why do people get married anyway? Love…that’s laughable. Are you
telling me you can’t be in love without a legal document certifying it?
Money…nope, divorce costs way more than a marriage. Security…right,
because married people don’t cheat. The only reasonable explanation is
tradition. Yup, people have been doing it so long that it’s just become
second nature. Nobody questions it, they just do it. Of course,
following tradition isn’t always a good idea. Just ask the lemmings.
Love It or Leave It
Instead of marriage, I propose (pun intended) that we implement a
“relationship lease.” It would be similar to Ford’s “Love It or Leave
It” lease. You pick a lease term of either 2, 3 or 4 years and agree to
a certain amount of set lease rules. Then at the end of the term you
decide whether or not you want to continue with the relationship or
whether you simply want to walk away and get something new.
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