I was very interested to read this article, since something similar is happening with our mom. She's been in an ALF since the fall and since she's 73 and still attractive/vibrant, she has received some male attention in her new environment. She was widowed four years ago and misses our dad terribly (the trauma caused her mental state to rapidly decline, to a point where she was hospitalized in September and deemed incapable of living independently).

A couple of months ago she glommed onto a male resident who is in the beginning stages of Alzheimers. While it is at times frustrating to have high school-level conversations with her about the fits and starts of their relationship and "interpreting" his behavior (he blows hot and cold, sometimes he's aloof), we are all very happy that she met someone. It's been a shot in the arm for her and while I don't think she understands at times that a "normal" kind of relationship with him is impossible, given their mental health, it has been nice for her to have the companionship. Like Dorothy and Bob, their courtship is curtailed by twice-daily meds rounds (i.e. no sleepovers) but our mom has alluded to some very passionate clinches and I love yous being exchanged.

Mom married at 20 and wasn't used to not having a man around. I know that a person with incipient dementia is not in the best emotional state to be involved romantically, but it's really not my business to stand between her and her beau, since they both care for one another and are adults. I was horrified by Bob's son's response and it was obvious that this was about HIS discomfort (reference to his dad's unwashed penis) more than anything. It's easy to think that people with dementia are sexless beings incapable of making important decisions or having linear thought patterns, but they're still human beings capable of emotion. The relationship between Dorothy and Bob should have been allowed to reach its own natural conclusion.

I get that sex at that age can be perilous if someone has a heart condition, and I understand that an ALF/nursing home doesn't want that kind liability. On the other hand, there are worse ways for a 95 year old guy to go than to be getting a blowjob. I think it's clear that the relationship was consensual and unless it put either resident in danger, people should have just let them be. The idea of geriatrics having sex squicks people out but it's unfortunate that the "ick factor" caused Dorothy and Bob to be split apart.