MessyONE:

Everybody lies. To other people, to themselves, to the general public....everybody, without exception, lies. Not only that, they all know it. And so do we. It's actually all right. No one could, or would want to, hear the truth all of the time, anyway. If they say they would, they're lying. Let's face it, no one wants to know that the pants really DO make them look like their butt is the size of a refrigerator, do they? You know me, big guy. If someone asks my opinion outright, they're going to get it. Whether they like what they'll hear isn't my problem. That said, I would never knowingly hurt someone gratuitously.

Of course everybody lies. We lie so often, half the time we're not even aware that we're doing it. The pants example is wonderful. It illustrates the point perfectly. Once, many years ago when I was young and knew everything I got fed up with the ex-wife whining that the only thing she couldn't forgive was a lie, that if I just always spoke the truth to her all would be well between us. This, of course, was a monstrous lie on her part, but being young I reacted before I'd thought about it enough to realize that. In any case, I decided to test the theory about an hour later when she traipsed into the room wearing an outfit from high school days that had been too tight by most community standards when she was 20 years younger and forty pounds lighter and asked me, "Honey, does this outfit make me look fat?". The unvarnished Truth, which I promptly delivered up to her, was, "No, darlin'... The outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your diet makes you look fat. The outfit just makes you look silly".

Turned out the Truth was a BIG Mistake. All was certainly not well between us for the better part of three weeks. The only bright note was that I slept much better on the couch where her snoring didn't keep me awake and nobody kept stealing the pillows right out from under my head. I wisely refrained, however, from sharing any part of that Great Truth with her... and compounded that lie-by-omission with the lie-by-pretense that I was contrite and apologetic. This was less to spare her feelings than to avoid idiotic conflict. Mea culpa.

I don't hurt people gratuitously either. When I offend, it is usually carefully considered, well thought out and quite deliberate. Way too many of these LWs are simply using Prudie's advice column as a smokescreen to cover up the intentional public humiliation of someone who irritated them. They are not looking for advice and will ignore any they get... but they'll make damn sure the person they were complaining about reads the letter and knows who sent it. It's petty, manipulative, vindictive and banal - and should not go unanswered. And generally doesn't.