Mabye you should stop disliking your White self so much! You sound a little vunerable but blacks and others may accept you regardless. Try looking inwardly a little, you might discover something of personal value that you missed. Self discovery before World discovery. Start form where it begins and if you just get angry don't just give up and say, waste of time. Take a deep breath and say "it's just a sympthom of how diffucult the journey is" .